Armor Of God Series: The Shoes Of The Gospel Of Peace & The Shield Of Faith

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Readiness; being fully prepared and also having a willingness to do something.

One word with so much information! These definitions of readiness are essentially explaining the Shoes Of The Gospel Of Peace (SOTGOP) to us. This piece of armor is to signify our readiness (or willingness) to step up and fight for what we know is true. We must be ready not only to stand with our feet firmly planted, but also to flee from something, someone or some place we shouldn’t be near. This piece of armor shows we are ready to do anything we are asked to do and that we are prepared. Without proper preparation we will not succeed against our enemy! We must be confident in ourselves and our beliefs and hold our ground when attacks come our way. If soldiers in battle lost their footing and fell, no matter how strong their armor was, they fell victim to the enemy. We must prepare ourselves by knowing how to answer others, especially when it comes to our faith and beliefs. We must stay freshly versed in the Lord’s Word for we are continually under Satan’s attacks!

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The scripture is for every occasion. There is a verse to counter every attack! If we stay in the Word, we are protected by the knowledge of truth! The Devil cannot penetrate our mind without doubt! We literally have the other team’s playbook; we know their plan of attack and we know how to counter them, we only need to study and prepare in order to win!

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The shoes are also for moving! By this I mean, they are for taking the gospel out into the world. We must share our faith with everyone! If we are actively speaking about God, we are not only remaining firmly planted but we are also taking over Satan’s territory! If we stay in the Word, we are digging our heels deeper into the truth enabling us to withstand the attacks that fall upon us.

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Shield of Faith

“…with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”

This tells us outright that not only does our shield protect us from the arrows of our enemies, it puts them out! Faith saves us!

Roman shields were often very large, as big as doors even! They were meant to completely cover the carrier, but they could also be used to push the enemy away. When grouped together, soldiers could position their shields to form an enclosure around them which was especially helpful against arrows shot from city walls. Many times the shields were wooden and covered in hide and when wet, they could extinguish flaming arrows. The shield was and IS vitally important to the carrier! The shield offers a blanket of protection which is meant for all circumstances. The shield is a versatile piece of armor which is the first barrier against the enemy’s attacks! We as Christians identify as foot soldiers serving Commander of the Lord’s army.

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Hebrews 11:1 defined faith to us, while Hebrews 11:6 speaks of it’s importance. Satan’s power is to cause doubt, but faith is our weapon against doubt because faith prompts belief! When we give into temptation, we are believing that what it has to offer is better than what God has promised. Faith reminds us that although we don’t know the whole story and we cannot see the whole picture, God is true to His Word! When Satan lays out doubt before us or temptations, faith helps us to recognize and extinguish the arrows of attack. Satan is always the accuser; he is constantly accusing us or telling us to accuse one another but faith believes Jesus has redeemed us and therefore there is no more condemnation in Him.

Faith is one of our greatest gifts from God; a true blessing! We receive grace through our faith and in turn we form a personal relationship with God.

Faith is our doorway to hope. Even through our sufferings, faith allows us to endure and persevere. This next point I want you to pay close attention to…

THE VERY SAME THINGS SATAN ATTEMPTS TO USE TO DISCOURAGE US, CAN ACTUALLY BECOME TOOLS IN THE HANDS OF GOD!ย  AMEN!

My entire blog is a shining example of this! All of the bad things that have ever happened in my life, all the things Satan put in my path, have now become tools for me to use against him! I have freed myself of bitterness and in doing so I have allowed God to use me for good! He has given me personal insight to many things which I can now use to relate to others. It’s one thing for someone to be able to listen to your problems and give you advice, it’s another thing when someone can actually know how you’re feeling because they have actually gone through the same situations! There is always light in our darkness, we just have to open our eyes; sometimes WE are the light! As believers, we are ALL promised victory over our enemies through faith!

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Faith is our protective barrier between us and the devil’s scheming ways. We must have faith and believe God and take Him at His Word. Let us remain grounded in truth so that the lies of Satan lose their power and we overcome them all! Faith is our shield and we know faith is not only important but POWERFUL! If you start to feel discouraged about your faith just remember, even in the smallest amounts it can still do great things! So even if you’re struggling in your faith today, know that you’re not defeated…you can still move mountains!

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God, thank you for transforming my dark times into tools for me to use to help others see light! We may not understand our dark times when we are in them, but I pray all of us remain strong in our faith and remember that You promise to work all things together for good! Let our faith grow daily, even through our sufferings, let us come closer to You. Allow our faith to become stronger and more beautiful as time goes on. Let us recognize that faith is our shield, our blanket of protection against the enemy and Your Word is what gives us the peace to stand firm in that faith. I pray for the needs of all those reading this today, may you comfort them and guide them throughout their lives. Watch over us and protect us. In Your name I pray. Amen.

Much Love and God Bless ๐Ÿ’“

Armor of God Series: Breastplate of Righteousness

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Continuing the Armor of God series, we move on to the Breastplate of Righteousness. In order to wear the breastplate, we must first have the Belt of Truth securely fastened. As we discussed in the previous blog, the Belt of Truth is essential to the armor as a whole; without truth, the armor becomes futile.

A breastplate was often used in battle to protect the wearer from attack by covering the vital organs. We can easily agree that if we were made to go into battle in those days, we would ALL desire to wear a breastplate! Why do we view it as a necessity when it comes to physical battle but not spiritual battle? Putting on the Breastplate of Righteousness symbolizes our desire to seek God and His righteousness. We crave for our ways to become like His! We acknowledge that apart from Him, we can do nothing and we realize that regardless of our failures, His righteousness has already been given to us. God will often reveal areas in our lives in which change may be necessary and we should always answer that call. If we refuse to answer the call, or say no to God, we leave ourselves vulnerable to Satan’s weapons.

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As God’s children, we receive the Armor of God; each piece representing His strength. God gifts us with strength directly from Him! At the cross, Jesus died not only for our sins but for us to inherit righteousness from His Father. We receive the gift of righteousness through our repentance. This gift of righteousness is designed by God to protect our heart and soul from the evilness and deception of Satan and his followers. We are called to “put on” our armor thus implying that we are not always wearing it. Wearing the armor requires us to make a decision. Do we suit up, or do we try to go it alone? Our righteousness alone is inadequate, we need Him! When we make that decision to put on the Breastplate of Righteousness, we are then deciding to put into practice what we believe. In other words, we have talked the talk but can we walk the walk! Taking up the breastplate is a lifestyle change in which weย  strive to be more like God, in turn making more godly choices thus protecting ourselves from further temptation and deception.

Carelessness, unbelief, abusing grace and disobedience are just a handful of factors that can and will interfere with the effectiveness of not only the breastplate, but the armor in its entirety. With the armor’s effectiveness in question, our chances of standing firm against the attacks of the enemy are drastically reduced. If we choose to rely on our personal righteousness, refusing to forgive and tolerating sin, we start to permit earthly concerns to take up residence in our lives. Once we start allowing those concerns to settle in our lives, we give them permission to consume our time, which then steals away our time for God. In the end, we remove our Breastplate of Righteousness, minimizing it’s power to protect us and eliminating the purity we receive from it.

Wearing the Breastplate of Righteousness allows us to become fair, honest, good and humble individuals who do right in God’s sight. We surrender our heart to God, relinquishing control so He may protect it from the enemy’s attacks. Will you choose to wear the breastplate, leaving your old ways behind or will you continue to try and make it on your own?

Dear God, I lift up all of my readers to you today that they may have a better understanding of the Breastplate of Righteousness and its importance. I pray we all choose to make that lifestyle change and strive to make more godly decisions in our lives. May we never forget that You are always with us and You are always willing to help us. Please allow us to recognize that You have given us the gift of righteousness through the death of Your Son. May we all remember to put on our breastplate daily! Thank You for all You do for us and may You help anyone out there who needs You today. In Your name I pray, AMEN.

Much Love and God Bless!

Armor Of God Series: The Belt Of Truth

Hi everyone! I’m overjoyed to be back and to have renewed the blog, as I mentioned in my previous post! WordPress actually informed me today that it’s my one year blog-iversary! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ™Œ๐ŸŽ‰ Doesn’t seem as if it could already have been a year, yet here we are! At the same time, it feels as if I haven’t done as much as I should in one full year!! Hopefully this year I will be more present and mindful of posting.

As I stated in the last post, I will be doing a little blog series on The Armor of God! I will pick apart the different pieces of spiritual armor and analyze them to the best of my ability. I hope you will all find it an interesting subject and maybe learn something you were not aware of before. Also, I must stress this point again. I write my blogs as a Christian, believing there is one and only one God who sent His son (Jesus) to walk this Earth doing good works and performing miracles until He died for ALL of us (believers and non) on the cross! He died so that all of our sins past, present and future, would be forgiven. Now that I have reiterated that point, I am ready to suit up!

The Belt of Truth.

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Now, when we envision armor, we normally envision the more prominent pieces such as the helmet or breastplate, but what about the belt? The belt may not always be seen, but without it our armor becomes compromised. When a chain has a kink it will not work effectively or even at all, in the same way our armor cannot work effectively if our belt isn’t securely fastened or if there are missing pieces to our belt. Although the belt seems insignificant, it holds great meaning in it’s role. The belt was often used to hold the sword while going into battle. Our Sword of the Spirit cannot be carried unless we wear our belt. The belt secures all the other pieces of armor!

So, what does the Belt of Truth represent?

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Truth is God’s word or The Holy Bible. Christians believe that absolute truth can be found in God’s word and that it is meant to be shared with others. Truth guides our decision making and frees us from the lies of Satan. Truth will allow us to fight the spiritual battle without being hindered. As Christians, we should hold on to what we know to be good (the truth) and discard the rest! Truth should adhere to us just as a belt would. If we don’t truly believe, what then can we accomplish?

Now some of us may still think a belt is nonessential. “If I wear all the other pieces of armor surely I’ll be safe in the spiritual battle; a belt isn’t very important anyway.” Well, we already concluded that the belt, although small is not without meaning; it actually holds all the other pieces into place and secures it. So, without the Belt of Truth (the Word of God) we become vulnerable to attacks. The world would like us to believe that truth is what man says it is; ever changing and dependent upon circumstances. The world would also have us to believe that “good” and “bad” are relative and there are no absolutes, just opinions. We know that’s not true because God is truth. The Bible is truth. God has defined “good” and “bad” and has done so without being influenced by the world or outside opinions. Absolute truth is absolutely NOT a myth!

We talked earlier about kinks in a chain and how it alters the function of the chain. It either keeps it from working effectively or keeps it from working at all. This can be compared to living a life that’s not in 100% accordance to the truth (word of God) we know. We can’t know truth and only live up to 75% or 80% or even 99%. Our trust in God and His Word (the Bible) must be solid, otherwise our armor becomes penetrable. Even if all other areas of our lives are solid and in accordance and all of our other pieces of armor are accounted for and well put together, one weak area (or kink) will compromise the entire armor and render it useless in our spiritual battles. Our sword is essential and without the Belt of Truth we have no sword. We must know what we believe and why!

Have you forgotten about your belt? Have you adopted the view point that some is better than none? How secure is your belt?

God, I pray that all who weren’t aware and even those who have heard of The Belt of Truth now have a better understanding after reading these words. I pray we all understand the significance and importance of the Belt of Truth and that we apply it to our lives. The Belt is Truth and Your Word, The Bible, is the absolute Truth. May we carry it with us always, living our lives as You have instructed us to and sharing truth with others. Thank you for allowing me to share Your truth with others so that they may follow suit. Thank you for this blog and for all those who take the time to read it, may you bless them in their lives and hear their prayers. May you help them in any area of their lives that they need help in and give them comfort and peace that exceeds all understanding. In Your name I pray, Amen!

Quickly, I’d like to ask for your prayers for my brother in law Carlos. He has some testing to go through and has to play the waiting game and many of us know the unsettled feelings that process brings! Pray for Carlos and my sister Aarin and their family as they go through this time please! There is power in prayer and I am confident God has blessings coming their way ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™ God is good ALL the time!

Much Love and God Bless๐Ÿ’š

I’m Baaaaaccckk!

It’s great to be back on the blog! I had some issues trying to renew, but that’s all taken care of and now I am ready to get to work! ๐Ÿ˜Š It has been TOO long! To be honest, the thought of not renewing crossed my mind. Something told me, “It’s not like you have a huge following anyway.” I admit, I did let that thought linger for a short time, but I recognized it to be the words of the enemy. What more could satan want than for me to quit spreading my belief in God to others? I may not have a bunch of followers for my blog, but the number of followers I have is not the issue! When I set out to do this blog, I said all I want is to be able to at least reach ONE person. I wanted to have an impact on multiple people, but if I was told just one person out of 60 something followers was moved by any of my blogs, then it would all be worth it!

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I appreciate all of my followers on here and I apologize for even entertaining the thought of letting this blog slip out of my hands. I have so much love for you all and I truly care to share so many things with you! Even though I was unable to get on here for some time, I was brainstorming about new subject matter. I questioned some people I knew personally that read, asking them what subject would be interesting to them to learn about etc. For some reason, I have wanted to do a 3 part blog series; diving into parts of the Bible and breaking them down. I was unsure of where I would go with it, and I did get some ideas from others, but the one I think I will end up going with came out of a simple conversation I had. I think dissecting the armor of God would make for an interesting read. I would love to know what all of you think about the idea! Also, if any of you have an ideas of topics for me to discuss or personal experiences for me to share, feel free to ask questions or leave comments/suggestions! Feedback is always appreciated and insightful! I’m so overjoyed to be back to my blog space!!!! Sending tons of love to all of you beautiful people!! ๐Ÿ’š

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Much love and God bless!

Words, Words, Words.

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I woke up today with a message on my heart! I love when this happens!ย  I hope you beautiful people have all been feeling amazing and I pray we all have a great day and I also pray over these words that God may help us through me.

We have all heard the proverbial saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” This is an older saying, often proclaimed on a school playground to a bully or between adolescent siblings, in response to being teased. While I completely agree with the sentiment, we should never let the words of others have any control or power over us,ย  all too many times words have done much harm. Words may not “break your bones” but they can break you. They can break your spirit; the essence of who you are…IF you let them! The beauty of it all is that we have the power to rise above and know that things said about ourselves by other people are mainly said out of jealousy or to simply get a reaction. To disturb out inner peace.ย  Trust me, I do know some words are hard to ignore and even more so when they come from people we love deeply, have known for years, who are friends and even family, but even those closest to us have the ability to harm us through negative words.

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From my personal experiences, I truly believe in “hurt people, hurt people.”ย  Those who don’t deal with their inner pain and demons project their unhappiness, negativity and pain onto everyone around them. If they’re not happy in life, everyone else must suffer with them. Be waryย of people like this. I’m not saying don’t love them, but I am saying don’t play their game; refuse to engage! These people feed off of your reaction, they love to see their words have provoked you. If you’re anything like myself, you can struggle with holding your tongue when people talk about you or others you love, or they’re just being plain hateful and rude to others. Sometimes, I do feel it is necessary to speak up and defend not only yourself, but the others around you, just choose your battles wisely.

I wish sometimes I didn’t respond so quickly out of anger or aggravation, but I’ll admit I do more often than I’d like. We all have the ability to be short-tempered, but to myself that’s just a foolish way to act. Childish. I often feel convicted after being snappy or short with my children or husband. They may not have done anything wrong, but my own internal issues are causing me to project onto them. I am allowing my own issues of the day to make me a person I don’t want to be. On the other hand, they may have provoked me in some way! My children may have just done something I tell them daily not to do or my husband could have given me attitude, but they’re all human. They are allowed to make mistakes just like I am. Instead of responding back to them in the same way, I should stop and think about why they have just acted that way. I should ask myself, what’s bothering them? How can I help them? I shouldn’t have a knee-jerk response and throw gasoline on the fire! What good does that do anyone? That is only going to make me ashamed a regretful later on.

How about people who blame other people for what their own life decisions have brought into action, or people who hold on to so much past that they allow it to wreck their present or even the people who use their past to justify their questionable behavior in the present. We all know people like this. I often wonder about why people act they way they act. I question what’s happened in their life to make then respond in certain ways or to act and speak certain ways. Although there may be past experiences that have caused them to be the way they are, there is a time in life where you have to let go of your past, give it to God and allow yourself to live a life free from the prison that is your past and grow. Don’t let the negative actions and words of others control your life indefinitely. Don’t let them feel like they’ve won. Also, we can’t let our past dictate how we live currently. We can’t constantly blame others for everything that’s wrong in our lives. We must take responsibility for decisions we ourselves have made and realize we can’t use our past as a crutch. So many of us won’t cut the cord from our past because then we can’t place blame on anyone else but ourselves. We have to be able to take our bad past and learn from it; learn how NOT to be, don’t continue any cycles. Think before you speak. Be slow to anger because as I posted above, you can’t get the word back after it’s said and those words can only ever be forgiven, usually they’re never forgotten.

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Now onto GOSSIP.

gosยทsip
casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.
I would venture to say speaking about anyone when they are not present, in which case almost all of us would then be guilty of gossip of some kind. Whether factual or semi-factual or twisted versions of what was initial said, it’s all gossip. For some of us gossip isn’t meant to be malicious, it just sort of manifests during casual conversation…however, some others thrive on gossip, they want to know every detail about everyone’s life or to just comment on everyone’s life. Some gossips can keep the truth intact or partial truth, but some like to take many words out of context with the intent to stir the pot or cause trouble between people. Why do they do this? Many people are jealous of other’s happiness or even their relationships or friendships. They want to cause friction, be a wedge or cause a disruption. They want their words to cause problems and they want a reaction. They purposely tell specific people things because they know it will get back to who they want it to reach; using gossip as a cowardly way to confront others or voice their issues. If any of you out there know what I’m referring to, do not engage! Don’t take the bait! Sometimes it’s difficult not to want to know what others say behind our back or to answer back gossip by gossiping ourselves, even if it’s truth you are saying. Whether truth or not, it’s all gossip. Let our thoughts be positive, our responses positive, our words positive and our actions be positive. Let’s concern ourselves less with what others say about us or other people and concern ourselves more by rising above andย  building others up. May our words encourage others, inspire others, project love onto others and reflect God’s grace and understanding. If it’s not something helpful and positive, let us think about what we’re saying and if it needs to be said. Remember, those who gossip with you or to you probably gossip about you.
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God, I pray today for myself and anyone who needs this message today. Please let us all be mindful of what we think, what we say and how we act. Let us strive to be more like You and less like others in this world. Let us work on our flaws and allow us to be a better reflection of You and what you stand for. Help us when we want to lose our tempers, when we want to blame others and not own up to our own actions, when we want to answer back insult or gossip with more of the same. Allow us to be an example to others and show them that even when we are on the receiving end of harsh, negative or spiteful words that we can rise above and uplift others while overlooking the comments of the people with poisonous attitudes and praying that they too find peace in their lives so they don’t feel the constant need to tear others down. May we all focus on the plank in our own eye instead of the speck in someone else’s. In your name I pray, Amen!

Much Love and God Bless ๐Ÿ’š

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Let Them Know

So, I have always lived with this philosophy that if you feel something, you let it be known. It may sound like it’s not always a good idea, but it’s living honestly. If someone has upset me, I need to talk to that person and work through it or at least voice to them how they have made me feel or how I have perceived what they said. If I am happy and joyful, sad or anxious, I talk about it-even if no one is listening at least I have said it out loud…although, a good thing to remember is that God is always listening ๐Ÿ™Œย  I also make sure to express my love and feelings to the ones I truly care about on a regular basis!

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There are many times where I have this very strong urge to get in touch with a specific person and I never ignore it and if it ever happens to you, you should never ignore it either! I always view this as a gift God has given me, because each time I have these strong feelings to say specific things to specific people, it’s at a time they need it most; it’s like I sense a disturbance in the force. ๐Ÿ˜œ

No one knows how long they have here on Earth, or how long any of their family/friends/loved ones have either, so we should make a point to stop what we are doing and make time to let those we love most know we love them and are thinking about them; you never know when a day might come and you won’t be able to do so. Trust me, I completely understand being guarded, I too have trust issues, but this is all about giving and not worrying about how others feel towards you. Of course it’s always nice if the love is reciprocated, but don’t base your happiness on hearing back all the kind and loving things you say. Some of us live in fear of expressing our love because it just doesn’t come easy to us, it feels awkward and many times it’s because one or both parents didn’t feel comfortable expressing themselves to you as a child and it’s a repeated behavior. The fear can even come from always giving your love to others and they just treat it as if it’s worthless trash. All I am saying is, none of that matters. All you need to worry about is your feelings and letting those you love know it before it’s too late and just let them know without expecting a response.

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In this same spirit, we should never shy away from sharing our faith with our loved ones, especially our loved ones who may not know about God or believe in Him. We can let them know His love never fails and in Him we have comfort, peace, security, love, hope, forgiveness, life and eternity. If they never hear it, they’ll never know it. All we can do is put it out there and it’s up to them what they want to do with that information. How amazing it would be if one day when we get to Heaven, those we told that may not have believed, greet us at the gates! How priceless that would be. I want to be the reason someone makes it to Heaven!

I want to pray for anyone out there today who struggles with expressing themselves and anyone who has recently lost someone close to them or even if they’ve lost someone close years ago, may you all find comfort and peace in Him. May we all understand that God has a plan for each and every one of us and although we may not understand certain things that happen, God knows what should happen and when and even why. His plan isn’t always going to be easy, but one day we will understand. May you always lean on Him. In His name I pray! Amen!

screenshot_2019-01-08-14-59-48-1Much Love and God Bless! ๐Ÿ’š

Grateful Heart

Good Morning Everyone!

I’m not quite sure if today I will be able to continue blogging my notes from the sermon series I have been listening to, it may have to be tomorrow. It would seem today is leading me down a different path; I seem to have woke up with a message on my heart, so we’ll see how it unfolds. I’m sure God is leading me to this message for a reason, so it’s likely something to offer peace and comfort to all of us in some form. โค Wherever He leads, I’ll go!

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I woke up this morning with an urgency to discuss gratefulness. Many of us, like myself, would say they’d consider themselves to be a rather grateful person; always doing their best daily to thank God for the blessings in their lives. Honestly, some days it seems I give thanks constantly because I am filled with an unexplainable joy. Good times seem to cultivate more joy and without much effort. What of the not-so-good days? How can we remain grateful, with that same unexplainable joy when our days aren’t going well or our life has taken some unexpected sharp turn?

I know I may seem wise, but I don’t have all the answers ๐Ÿ˜‰ I will, however use personal experiences to give my best opinion/views on the matter. I also love using Bible scriptures as a reference because the Bible is our cheat sheet…it has all the answers to any question we will ever have, we only need to look.

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Most of us would say, I have a grateful heart. I wake up each morning, thank God for the gift of life and for the health and contentment of myself and my family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario; it’s ideal! We should be thanking God as soon as we wake up because He is the reason we do. But, we have all had those times in our lives when we have gotten so deep down in our trials that we wonder if we even want to wake to face another day. Of course, to me, this is a form of bitterness; something has gone wrong in our lives and we are a bit bitter and confused. We think things we don’t mean wholeheartedly because we feel pain, hurt and sadness. We want to know why. Why God is something like this happening to me? Am I not a good person? Am I not worthy?

A simple fact of life is, bad things can happen to the “best” of people just as they can to the “worst” of people. We are all human and no matter how good we are, we are never immune to the bad experiences in life. There is ALWAYS a reason, very evident or not, for why we are assigned specific mountains at certain times. In any circumstance, I can guarantee that a gift is hidden in the darkest of times. You’re being equipped to help someone else who will need you or your words. We can all appreciate and be thankful for people in our lives who give us great words and express care during our tough times, but in all honesty, don’t we wonder how they know how we feel when they haven’t been in our situation? We feel their heart is in the right place, they’re saying all the right things, but in a way their words are empty to us because we don’t believe they can relate. So, whose words can hold meaning to us most? Yes! The ones who have endured things we are going through. Someone who has personally been where we are at and made it to the other side! I believe any bad we go through gives us this unique ability to be someone else’s hope and light in their time of darkness. I know I sound repetitive with that statement, but it’s so true. Think of how many more people you can reach on a personal level, when you have been through some of the same situations they have. That is the beauty in our pain. That is where our gratefulness can come from in our darkest hours. We can thank Him for allowing us to go through this terrible time, because we know He has much bigger things in store for us. Trust me, in those hours, I KNOW it can be difficult and almost near impossible for us to think that way. It’s in our nature to question why something is happening to us, but remember we have tunnel vision and God has that panoramic view; He sees the whole picture, while our focus is what’s right in front of us at this moment.

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One of my most difficult times with maintaining a grateful heart during a hard time was when I endured the loss of my pregnancy in 2014. January 16th, 2014 to be exact; one never forgets. My husband and I had our oldest son at the time, he was approaching 2 years old, yet we were so excited to be expecting another child. We love babies and they’re an amazing miracle from God! Unfortunately, our baby wasn’t to be here on this Earth with us…we were unaware we had conceived a real angel. I feel we often forget that our babies are a true gift from God and they’re His before they are ever ours. Even with that knowledge, the pain didn’t seem to subside any. I was about 7-8 weeks when we lost our pregnancy. Some would say an insignificant amount of time to have such a tremendous reaction to, but no matter the size of the baby or the amount of time you carry your baby…it was still a part of you. You had plans for this baby that went years into the future; it was already a part of your life because it was a part of you. I remember going to the hospital because I had to leave work early that day because I started bleeding. Of course, some bleeding can be considered normal in the beginning of pregnancies, I however was not convinced. I guess I just knew in my heart where this was leading at that point. I passed some clots prior to leaving for the hospital and all I could do was cry. I do remember telling my father through my tears that if I’m losing my baby, it’s what God thinks is best for my baby and I. Still sadness was ever-present. There I sat in the hospital waiting room…waiting and waiting and all the while still bleeding. I felt like I’m losing my baby and no one is trying to help me. It’s an emergency! I’m in a hospital, I’m pregnant and bleeding and I can’t save my own baby and no one is coming to help; I must wait. What a sick and devastating feeling, especially as a mother, knowing what’s happening to your baby and yet you cannot do one thing to stop the process…all you can do is witness the unfolding of events. After waiting in the waiting room, being called back for blood work, then sent back to the waiting room, then called back to lay in a hospital bed in the middle of a crowded hallway and given an IV, I was finally seen. By the time they administered an ultrasound, there was no sign of pregnancy; like my baby never even existed. It was heartbreaking. At some point from leaving our home to waiting in the hospital, we had lost our baby. I had lost our baby. Guilt weighed heavy on me, as I felt I had failed at my job as a mother. I felt I had failed to keep my child safe and protected. They gave me a discharge paper which read in big, bold print: Miscarriage; then they sent us on our way. My husband and I got to the car and as we were leaving we just stopped the vehicle and held each other crying. It was such a long day, yet it seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. It’s a sadness and pain I would never wish on anyone. I struggled with seeing pregnant women or babies. I am a person who has always loved children and babies and pregnancy etc, yet I developed this aversion to them. I worked in a grocery store so it’s not like I could escape them. I remember crying because I missed being pregnant and knowing I was having another baby, yet I also cried because I didn’t want to be that kind of person. I didn’t want to feel that feeling of avoidance when encountering pregnant women, babies and children. I knew miscarriage was a common occurrence but we never imagine it could happen to us until it does. I’m not going to say I did not struggle and still don’t shed tears for our angel baby, but I chose a grateful heart instead of accepting a bitter one. I thanked God for the short time I had with our baby and I chose to talk openly about it to not only help my healing process, but to bring honor to the life we had made. I chose to name our baby, although gender was unknown, I went with Uriel, which means “God is my light.” It was confusing and one of our toughest times, but I told others I would be open about it because God will use me to help others going through the same circumstances and that He did! I have be able to help several people since and was able to give them comfort, peace and hope that no one else could.

Of course that example was one of many. Whether it’s my anxiety disorder, depression, struggles with self harm/ suicidal thoughts and tendencies and all that I have experienced, the same gift has come from all of it…the gift of light. In those times I often wondered the meaning and purpose of it all, but as time went by I had my “ah-ha!” moments. I realized God had better plans for my life. He might say yes, no, wait or simply not right now, but trust me when I say better is around the corner. โค

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I sit here typing this to you at 30 weeks pregnant today with our 4th baby (3rd earthly baby). God is good ๐Ÿ™Œ Nothing is impossible with Him! I know He cares for my Uriel until I am reunited with him/her later in life. I am still blessed in many ways! I am very blessed to be able to speak from a personal place to all of you as well! I pray my words always help someone who needs it! Let’s all be grateful in the good and bad times because we know God is for us, not against us!

Much Love and God Bless! โค