Words – Still Standing

In life, I like to live my life as transparent as I can. With me, usually what you see is what you get. I believe the only exception is my mind. That’s a rather odd statement considering I share SO much, but at the same time I feel when it comes to how my mind and thought process works, I don’t share fully. Many times I believe I have shared completely when maybe I only share 50%. The problem is, I don’t think it’s possible for me to share completely all of my thoughts; there’s just WAY too many swirling around all at once. I tend to just stew because I feel like I will be a burden if I speak any of my “issues”, so I tend to just be to others what I need for myself. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being the positivity for others, bringing light into their world, but it should cause you to neglect your own light.

I, for as long as I can remember, have always been the light for so many, that when it comes to my life, I am dark. I am the complete opposite in my own life, for myself, than I am with everyone else. Why? I have no idea. It’s as if I use up all my energy and positivity to build others up, until I just have nothing left for myself. In every aspect of my life, whatever relationship it may be, I always put others before myself and I move my own issues to the very bottom of the “to do” list. In my mind, when someone needs help, it’s MY job to fix their problems. I take their problems so personally, that their problems become more of my problems than their own; not even they would feel as troubled by their issues. I’m just such a feelings person. I swear to you, I can feel the feelings of others and usually without them ever saying a word…it’s like an extra sense. I always view it as a God-given gift. I truly live to help others and make them laugh and just fix their problems. I live to make others happy, but what happens when I need the laugh, the compliment, the conversation, the hug, the words of encouragement, the positivity, the smile or just the help? Who can help me?

We all have those people in our lives who will say, “I’m always here for you” but I’ve come to find that maybe, for most (not all), that these words are uttered out of a sense of obligation. Maybe they feel they HAVE to say this or it makes them feel better to say this, but most people mean, “I’m always here for you…IF I have the time.” Numerous times in my life, I have set aside my own issues to help everyone. I have been in full on panic and anxiety yet I say let me help or I just simply listen. I didn’t always have the time, but I MADE the time. I put all else in my life aside to help. It’s hard, at times, not to let that cause bitterness. I am not that kind of person, nor do I want to be, but at times you have these thoughts that tell you that no one really cares about you. When you have so many thoughts swirling around in your mind, you tend to get overwhelmed and easily stressed out, so the negative becomes much more easier to believe. At times, you want to say that you need help, but you know no one would pay attention anyway, nor would they understand.

I am not writing this to garner sympathy, but rather to make people aware that even the most positive people in your lives, those who bring you so much joy or make you laugh or are always there for you, they need help too. They are struggling too, so don’t forget them when things are going good for you or when you feel better. I have so many thoughts going on all the time that I feel guilty for thinking most of them. I’m like, my life is good, I have God in my heart, my babies are healthy, happy and just so beautiful, I have an amazing marriage, I have a nice home, I know other people with FAR greater problems than I have, yet here I am struggling to keep my head above water. There’s so much I want to get out but I can’t. I, myself, cannot even express fully every thought I have. I hear them in my mind, like people talking all at once and all I know is when I try to even get someone to understand the slightest little bit, my thoughts start to come out in the form of tears. Then it’s like why are you crying again? What do you have to be upset about? You’re acting foolish!

The guilt, the guilt will eat you alive. You have your struggles yet you tell yourself you have no reason to feel how you do. You assign so much guilt to yourself because, how can you be so positive for others yet in your life you’re being negative. You view life in worst case scenarios and you have such a negative thought process, yet if someone needs some cheering up, you’re all rainbows, sunflowers and unicorns. You show them how to look on the bright side and carry them along until they are able to walk alone again and then you go back to you own life, drained and barely breathing. You’ve now given away the best version of yourself to everyone else.

I’m not even sure that this post will be cohesive, I feel as if I am just rambling, but hopefully someone gets something out of it! I hope that you can find a healthy balance between helping others and helping yourselves. I hope that you can remember to fill your own cup as you fill everyone else’s. For myself, coming to the rescue is like breathing to me, I just have to, but maybe I can be more mindful of my own needs. In my mind, thinking or even putting any amount of focus on my own needs is being selfish. I would tell others that thinking of their needs is not being selfish, bit in my own life if I do it then I am being selfish. I don’t know why I am so hard on myself, but I am! I am so great at giving the best advice, yet I cannot even give myself any words of wisdom. I hate to even make a post such as this. I have contemplated deleting this several times during my typing. I don’t like to out negativity out there and I feel as if that’s what I’m doing. I don’t want to come across as a complainer. I suppose sharing the negative can make us appreciate the positive more. Maybe in sharing some of my thought process, it’ll make someone else feel less alone in their thinking. Even the most positive of people can have a hard time, so please remind those people who are always there for you just how much they mean to you and don’t forget to genuinely ask how they’re doing or if they need anything. ❤️🙏

Dear God,

I pray for anyone reading this that relates to what I’ve typed. I pray that they remember to take care of themselves, even when they’re taking care of others. I also pray that you help them deal with any guilt they feel, may they know that it’s okay to think of themselves sometimes. I pray that they know they are never alone with You in their lives and that You are always willing to listen. May we all remember that You are a constant even when others come and go. Thank you for all the good in our lives and even the bad, for without the bad we would never truly appreciate the good! AMEN. 🙌

Much Love and God Bless!

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I woke up today with a message on my heart! I love when this happens! I hope you beautiful people have all been feeling amazing and I pray we all have a great day and I also pray over these words that God may help us through me.

We have all heard the proverbial saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” This is an older saying, often proclaimed on a school playground to a bully or between adolescent siblings, in response to being teased. While I completely agree with the sentiment, we should never let the words of others have any control or power over us, all too many times words have done much harm. Words may not “break your bones” but they can break you. They can break your spirit; the essence of who you are…IF you let them! The beauty of it all is that we have the power to rise above and know that things said about ourselves by other people are mainly said out of jealousy or to simply get a reaction. To disturb out inner peace. Trust me, I do know some words are hard to ignore and even more so when they come from people we love deeply, have known for years, who are friends and even family, but even those closest to us have the ability to harm us through negative words.

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From my personal experiences, I truly believe in “hurt people, hurt people.” Those who don’t deal with their inner pain and demons project their unhappiness, negativity and pain onto everyone around them. If they’re not happy in life, everyone else must suffer with them. Be wary of people like this. I’m not saying don’t love them, but I am saying don’t play their game; refuse to engage! These people feed off of your reaction, they love to see their words have provoked you. If you’re anything like myself, you can struggle with holding your tongue when people talk about you or others you love, or they’re just being plain hateful and rude to others. Sometimes, I do feel it is necessary to speak up and defend not only yourself, but the others around you, just choose your battles wisely.

I wish sometimes I didn’t respond so quickly out of anger or aggravation, but I’ll admit I do more often than I’d like. We all have the ability to be short-tempered, but to myself that’s just a foolish way to act. Childish. I often feel convicted after being snappy or short with my children or husband. They may not have done anything wrong, but my own internal issues are causing me to project onto them. I am allowing my own issues of the day to make me a person I don’t want to be. On the other hand, they may have provoked me in some way! My children may have just done something I tell them daily not to do or my husband could have given me attitude, but they’re all human. They are allowed to make mistakes just like I am. Instead of responding back to them in the same way, I should stop and think about why they have just acted that way. I should ask myself, what’s bothering them? How can I help them? I shouldn’t have a knee-jerk response and throw gasoline on the fire! What good does that do anyone? That is only going to make me ashamed a regretful later on.

How about people who blame other people for what their own life decisions have brought into action, or people who hold on to so much past that they allow it to wreck their present or even the people who use their past to justify their questionable behavior in the present. We all know people like this. I often wonder about why people act they way they act. I question what’s happened in their life to make then respond in certain ways or to act and speak certain ways. Although there may be past experiences that have caused them to be the way they are, there is a time in life where you have to let go of your past, give it to God and allow yourself to live a life free from the prison that is your past and grow. Don’t let the negative actions and words of others control your life indefinitely. Don’t let them feel like they’ve won. Also, we can’t let our past dictate how we live currently. We can’t constantly blame others for everything that’s wrong in our lives. We must take responsibility for decisions we ourselves have made and realize we can’t use our past as a crutch. So many of us won’t cut the cord from our past because then we can’t place blame on anyone else but ourselves. We have to be able to take our bad past and learn from it; learn how NOT to be, don’t continue any cycles. Think before you speak. Be slow to anger because as I posted above, you can’t get the word back after it’s said and those words can only ever be forgiven, usually they’re never forgotten.

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Now onto GOSSIP.

gos·sip

casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

I would venture to say speaking about anyone when they are not present, in which case almost all of us would then be guilty of gossip of some kind. Whether factual or semi-factual or twisted versions of what was initial said, it’s all gossip. For some of us gossip isn’t meant to be malicious, it just sort of manifests during casual conversation…however, some others thrive on gossip, they want to know every detail about everyone’s life or to just comment on everyone’s life. Some gossips can keep the truth intact or partial truth, but some like to take many words out of context with the intent to stir the pot or cause trouble between people. Why do they do this? Many people are jealous of other’s happiness or even their relationships or friendships. They want to cause friction, be a wedge or cause a disruption. They want their words to cause problems and they want a reaction. They purposely tell specific people things because they know it will get back to who they want it to reach; using gossip as a cowardly way to confront others or voice their issues. If any of you out there know what I’m referring to, do not engage! Don’t take the bait! Sometimes it’s difficult not to want to know what others say behind our back or to answer back gossip by gossiping ourselves, even if it’s truth you are saying. Whether truth or not, it’s all gossip. Let our thoughts be positive, our responses positive, our words positive and our actions be positive. Let’s concern ourselves less with what others say about us or other people and concern ourselves more by rising above and building others up. May our words encourage others, inspire others, project love onto others and reflect God’s grace and understanding. If it’s not something helpful and positive, let us think about what we’re saying and if it needs to be said. Remember, those who gossip with you or to you probably gossip about you.

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God, I pray today for myself and anyone who needs this message today. Please let us all be mindful of what we think, what we say and how we act. Let us strive to be more like You and less like others in this world. Let us work on our flaws and allow us to be a better reflection of You and what you stand for. Help us when we want to lose our tempers, when we want to blame others and not own up to our own actions, when we want to answer back insult or gossip with more of the same. Allow us to be an example to others and show them that even when we are on the receiving end of harsh, negative or spiteful words that we can rise above and uplift others while overlooking the comments of the people with poisonous attitudes and praying that they too find peace in their lives so they don’t feel the constant need to tear others down. May we all focus on the plank in our own eye instead of the speck in someone else’s. In your name I pray, Amen!

Much Love and God Bless 💚

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