Words, Words, Words.

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I woke up today with a message on my heart! I love when this happens!  I hope you beautiful people have all been feeling amazing and I pray we all have a great day and I also pray over these words that God may help us through me.

We have all heard the proverbial saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” This is an older saying, often proclaimed on a school playground to a bully or between adolescent siblings, in response to being teased. While I completely agree with the sentiment, we should never let the words of others have any control or power over us,  all too many times words have done much harm. Words may not “break your bones” but they can break you. They can break your spirit; the essence of who you are…IF you let them! The beauty of it all is that we have the power to rise above and know that things said about ourselves by other people are mainly said out of jealousy or to simply get a reaction. To disturb out inner peace.  Trust me, I do know some words are hard to ignore and even more so when they come from people we love deeply, have known for years, who are friends and even family, but even those closest to us have the ability to harm us through negative words.

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From my personal experiences, I truly believe in “hurt people, hurt people.”  Those who don’t deal with their inner pain and demons project their unhappiness, negativity and pain onto everyone around them. If they’re not happy in life, everyone else must suffer with them. Be wary of people like this. I’m not saying don’t love them, but I am saying don’t play their game; refuse to engage! These people feed off of your reaction, they love to see their words have provoked you. If you’re anything like myself, you can struggle with holding your tongue when people talk about you or others you love, or they’re just being plain hateful and rude to others. Sometimes, I do feel it is necessary to speak up and defend not only yourself, but the others around you, just choose your battles wisely.

I wish sometimes I didn’t respond so quickly out of anger or aggravation, but I’ll admit I do more often than I’d like. We all have the ability to be short-tempered, but to myself that’s just a foolish way to act. Childish. I often feel convicted after being snappy or short with my children or husband. They may not have done anything wrong, but my own internal issues are causing me to project onto them. I am allowing my own issues of the day to make me a person I don’t want to be. On the other hand, they may have provoked me in some way! My children may have just done something I tell them daily not to do or my husband could have given me attitude, but they’re all human. They are allowed to make mistakes just like I am. Instead of responding back to them in the same way, I should stop and think about why they have just acted that way. I should ask myself, what’s bothering them? How can I help them? I shouldn’t have a knee-jerk response and throw gasoline on the fire! What good does that do anyone? That is only going to make me ashamed a regretful later on.

How about people who blame other people for what their own life decisions have brought into action, or people who hold on to so much past that they allow it to wreck their present or even the people who use their past to justify their questionable behavior in the present. We all know people like this. I often wonder about why people act they way they act. I question what’s happened in their life to make then respond in certain ways or to act and speak certain ways. Although there may be past experiences that have caused them to be the way they are, there is a time in life where you have to let go of your past, give it to God and allow yourself to live a life free from the prison that is your past and grow. Don’t let the negative actions and words of others control your life indefinitely. Don’t let them feel like they’ve won. Also, we can’t let our past dictate how we live currently. We can’t constantly blame others for everything that’s wrong in our lives. We must take responsibility for decisions we ourselves have made and realize we can’t use our past as a crutch. So many of us won’t cut the cord from our past because then we can’t place blame on anyone else but ourselves. We have to be able to take our bad past and learn from it; learn how NOT to be, don’t continue any cycles. Think before you speak. Be slow to anger because as I posted above, you can’t get the word back after it’s said and those words can only ever be forgiven, usually they’re never forgotten.

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Now onto GOSSIP.

gos·sip
casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.
I would venture to say speaking about anyone when they are not present, in which case almost all of us would then be guilty of gossip of some kind. Whether factual or semi-factual or twisted versions of what was initial said, it’s all gossip. For some of us gossip isn’t meant to be malicious, it just sort of manifests during casual conversation…however, some others thrive on gossip, they want to know every detail about everyone’s life or to just comment on everyone’s life. Some gossips can keep the truth intact or partial truth, but some like to take many words out of context with the intent to stir the pot or cause trouble between people. Why do they do this? Many people are jealous of other’s happiness or even their relationships or friendships. They want to cause friction, be a wedge or cause a disruption. They want their words to cause problems and they want a reaction. They purposely tell specific people things because they know it will get back to who they want it to reach; using gossip as a cowardly way to confront others or voice their issues. If any of you out there know what I’m referring to, do not engage! Don’t take the bait! Sometimes it’s difficult not to want to know what others say behind our back or to answer back gossip by gossiping ourselves, even if it’s truth you are saying. Whether truth or not, it’s all gossip. Let our thoughts be positive, our responses positive, our words positive and our actions be positive. Let’s concern ourselves less with what others say about us or other people and concern ourselves more by rising above and  building others up. May our words encourage others, inspire others, project love onto others and reflect God’s grace and understanding. If it’s not something helpful and positive, let us think about what we’re saying and if it needs to be said. Remember, those who gossip with you or to you probably gossip about you.
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God, I pray today for myself and anyone who needs this message today. Please let us all be mindful of what we think, what we say and how we act. Let us strive to be more like You and less like others in this world. Let us work on our flaws and allow us to be a better reflection of You and what you stand for. Help us when we want to lose our tempers, when we want to blame others and not own up to our own actions, when we want to answer back insult or gossip with more of the same. Allow us to be an example to others and show them that even when we are on the receiving end of harsh, negative or spiteful words that we can rise above and uplift others while overlooking the comments of the people with poisonous attitudes and praying that they too find peace in their lives so they don’t feel the constant need to tear others down. May we all focus on the plank in our own eye instead of the speck in someone else’s. In your name I pray, Amen!

Much Love and God Bless 💚

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Grateful Heart

Good Morning Everyone!

I’m not quite sure if today I will be able to continue blogging my notes from the sermon series I have been listening to, it may have to be tomorrow. It would seem today is leading me down a different path; I seem to have woke up with a message on my heart, so we’ll see how it unfolds. I’m sure God is leading me to this message for a reason, so it’s likely something to offer peace and comfort to all of us in some form. ❤ Wherever He leads, I’ll go!

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I woke up this morning with an urgency to discuss gratefulness. Many of us, like myself, would say they’d consider themselves to be a rather grateful person; always doing their best daily to thank God for the blessings in their lives. Honestly, some days it seems I give thanks constantly because I am filled with an unexplainable joy. Good times seem to cultivate more joy and without much effort. What of the not-so-good days? How can we remain grateful, with that same unexplainable joy when our days aren’t going well or our life has taken some unexpected sharp turn?

I know I may seem wise, but I don’t have all the answers 😉 I will, however use personal experiences to give my best opinion/views on the matter. I also love using Bible scriptures as a reference because the Bible is our cheat sheet…it has all the answers to any question we will ever have, we only need to look.

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Most of us would say, I have a grateful heart. I wake up each morning, thank God for the gift of life and for the health and contentment of myself and my family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario; it’s ideal! We should be thanking God as soon as we wake up because He is the reason we do. But, we have all had those times in our lives when we have gotten so deep down in our trials that we wonder if we even want to wake to face another day. Of course, to me, this is a form of bitterness; something has gone wrong in our lives and we are a bit bitter and confused. We think things we don’t mean wholeheartedly because we feel pain, hurt and sadness. We want to know why. Why God is something like this happening to me? Am I not a good person? Am I not worthy?

A simple fact of life is, bad things can happen to the “best” of people just as they can to the “worst” of people. We are all human and no matter how good we are, we are never immune to the bad experiences in life. There is ALWAYS a reason, very evident or not, for why we are assigned specific mountains at certain times. In any circumstance, I can guarantee that a gift is hidden in the darkest of times. You’re being equipped to help someone else who will need you or your words. We can all appreciate and be thankful for people in our lives who give us great words and express care during our tough times, but in all honesty, don’t we wonder how they know how we feel when they haven’t been in our situation? We feel their heart is in the right place, they’re saying all the right things, but in a way their words are empty to us because we don’t believe they can relate. So, whose words can hold meaning to us most? Yes! The ones who have endured things we are going through. Someone who has personally been where we are at and made it to the other side! I believe any bad we go through gives us this unique ability to be someone else’s hope and light in their time of darkness. I know I sound repetitive with that statement, but it’s so true. Think of how many more people you can reach on a personal level, when you have been through some of the same situations they have. That is the beauty in our pain. That is where our gratefulness can come from in our darkest hours. We can thank Him for allowing us to go through this terrible time, because we know He has much bigger things in store for us. Trust me, in those hours, I KNOW it can be difficult and almost near impossible for us to think that way. It’s in our nature to question why something is happening to us, but remember we have tunnel vision and God has that panoramic view; He sees the whole picture, while our focus is what’s right in front of us at this moment.

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One of my most difficult times with maintaining a grateful heart during a hard time was when I endured the loss of my pregnancy in 2014. January 16th, 2014 to be exact; one never forgets. My husband and I had our oldest son at the time, he was approaching 2 years old, yet we were so excited to be expecting another child. We love babies and they’re an amazing miracle from God! Unfortunately, our baby wasn’t to be here on this Earth with us…we were unaware we had conceived a real angel. I feel we often forget that our babies are a true gift from God and they’re His before they are ever ours. Even with that knowledge, the pain didn’t seem to subside any. I was about 7-8 weeks when we lost our pregnancy. Some would say an insignificant amount of time to have such a tremendous reaction to, but no matter the size of the baby or the amount of time you carry your baby…it was still a part of you. You had plans for this baby that went years into the future; it was already a part of your life because it was a part of you. I remember going to the hospital because I had to leave work early that day because I started bleeding. Of course, some bleeding can be considered normal in the beginning of pregnancies, I however was not convinced. I guess I just knew in my heart where this was leading at that point. I passed some clots prior to leaving for the hospital and all I could do was cry. I do remember telling my father through my tears that if I’m losing my baby, it’s what God thinks is best for my baby and I. Still sadness was ever-present. There I sat in the hospital waiting room…waiting and waiting and all the while still bleeding. I felt like I’m losing my baby and no one is trying to help me. It’s an emergency! I’m in a hospital, I’m pregnant and bleeding and I can’t save my own baby and no one is coming to help; I must wait. What a sick and devastating feeling, especially as a mother, knowing what’s happening to your baby and yet you cannot do one thing to stop the process…all you can do is witness the unfolding of events. After waiting in the waiting room, being called back for blood work, then sent back to the waiting room, then called back to lay in a hospital bed in the middle of a crowded hallway and given an IV, I was finally seen. By the time they administered an ultrasound, there was no sign of pregnancy; like my baby never even existed. It was heartbreaking. At some point from leaving our home to waiting in the hospital, we had lost our baby. I had lost our baby. Guilt weighed heavy on me, as I felt I had failed at my job as a mother. I felt I had failed to keep my child safe and protected. They gave me a discharge paper which read in big, bold print: Miscarriage; then they sent us on our way. My husband and I got to the car and as we were leaving we just stopped the vehicle and held each other crying. It was such a long day, yet it seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. It’s a sadness and pain I would never wish on anyone. I struggled with seeing pregnant women or babies. I am a person who has always loved children and babies and pregnancy etc, yet I developed this aversion to them. I worked in a grocery store so it’s not like I could escape them. I remember crying because I missed being pregnant and knowing I was having another baby, yet I also cried because I didn’t want to be that kind of person. I didn’t want to feel that feeling of avoidance when encountering pregnant women, babies and children. I knew miscarriage was a common occurrence but we never imagine it could happen to us until it does. I’m not going to say I did not struggle and still don’t shed tears for our angel baby, but I chose a grateful heart instead of accepting a bitter one. I thanked God for the short time I had with our baby and I chose to talk openly about it to not only help my healing process, but to bring honor to the life we had made. I chose to name our baby, although gender was unknown, I went with Uriel, which means “God is my light.” It was confusing and one of our toughest times, but I told others I would be open about it because God will use me to help others going through the same circumstances and that He did! I have be able to help several people since and was able to give them comfort, peace and hope that no one else could.

Of course that example was one of many. Whether it’s my anxiety disorder, depression, struggles with self harm/ suicidal thoughts and tendencies and all that I have experienced, the same gift has come from all of it…the gift of light. In those times I often wondered the meaning and purpose of it all, but as time went by I had my “ah-ha!” moments. I realized God had better plans for my life. He might say yes, no, wait or simply not right now, but trust me when I say better is around the corner. ❤

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I sit here typing this to you at 30 weeks pregnant today with our 4th baby (3rd earthly baby). God is good 🙌 Nothing is impossible with Him! I know He cares for my Uriel until I am reunited with him/her later in life. I am still blessed in many ways! I am very blessed to be able to speak from a personal place to all of you as well! I pray my words always help someone who needs it! Let’s all be grateful in the good and bad times because we know God is for us, not against us!

Much Love and God Bless! ❤

The Fool

IMG_20180614_052524_527I posted this very early this morning, little did I know I would be the one who needed it most today! Often times things I blog on here I am addressing others but ALWAYS myself as well! Today has felt like a wonky day for me and I have felt my anger and frustrations getting the best of me. I could blame it on being pregnant and hormonal but that would be an easy excuse; I own and admit my faults in order to try to learn from them and grow!

I mentioned multiple times today that I believe someone, somewhere is trying to push me over the edge! I am not one to let things get to me too much, although I have short fuses in few areas, I still usually let it roll off. Now, if I get pushed so far, I will make it known 😱

Lately, I feel there are ridiculous and unnecessary events occurring that have caused such deep aggravation; just keep stewing inside of me. All these things seem so trivial when I actually sit and think about them, yet they’re nagging! I’m “doing the practical” (as my Uncle Tim would say) when it comes to solving the issues, but I’m irritated I even have to worry about these things. I’m very confident that in the end it’ll all have worked out for the best, but in the meantime I am working to be my usual self and brush it all off!

Having all this frustration built up lately has made it easier for me to get mad about little, meaningless stuff! It has made me jump to conclusions and assume things and I realize…that’s not seeing the light or the positive in the day/days, it’s taking that easy way out and focusing on the negative and letting it start to slowly take over. One negative thought leads to another and another and them it snowballs!

Today, I feel like a fraud for making that post and not putting my own words to practice! I feel ashamed for that fact alone, but also for letting my anger and temper get the best of me. I keep seeing and hearing a verse in my mind and I’ll post it below!

That last one says it all! Today my actions and words have been foolish…probably no different from the very foolishness I am irritated about! I can sit and attempt to convince myself that certain foolish behavior is different than the next, but is it really? I know better and I should always be striving to be better!

Everyone has their bad moments or days or even weeks and unfortunately years in some cases! Whatever category you fall into, I pray for you and what you’re going through. I pray that if you have current built up anger and frustration, you are able to give it to God and move forward without dwelling or stewing! Don’t sweat the small stuff! Whether small or big issues, God always provides solutions if you listen and follow His direction. I pray for all of us to let the negative go so it doesn’t start weighing us down and stealing our happiness and overall joy! Let us all be slow to anger! 🙌

Much Love and God Bless! 💚