Random Acts of Kindness

Today I’m going to shift gears a bit. I have been blogging more on serious issues, which I have no problem with, but sometimes you have to break it up a bit 😊 I think today shall be about kindness.

I often challenge others to go out and compliment at least one person; someone you know well or even someone you don’t. We never know what anyone else is feeling or what they’re enduring in the moment and our one act of kindness can have much more of an impact than we could ever comprehend. A compliment is just the beginning, but I am an advocate for any act of kindness. We can pay for someone’s lunch without them knowing, offer our assistance to someone we see who may need it, say something positive to someone, hand out “blessing bags” to people we see in need, hold the door for someone or simply just offer a smile to everyone we come in contact with or even pass by. The littlest actions can cause the biggest influence. It’s never about being recognized for your good deed, but imagine someone noticed what you were doing, it could potentially cause a ripple effect! What a wonderful tradition for not only adults to adopt, but children as well! Kindness is never overflowing in today’s world, but maybe that’s what we can aim for!

Not everyone will show gratitude. Not everyone will be thankful for your kindness, but my advice? DO IT ANYWAY. Be a blessing that someone else needs in their lives.

We grew up with not a lot of money. We were on welfare at certain times when my dad would be in between jobs. We used the assistance until we could get back on our feet, then we would not use them any more. When we were younger it wasn’t as convenient either…no card. We had what looked like monopoly money that you had to tear out individually when you paid for your groceries and I believe had to sign each “bill”. We would have only one car, never a working air conditioner and living in FL in constant heat, that’s a bummer. My parents would sometimes wonder how bills would get paid, but God always provided. My mom always somehow “magically” made the little bit of money we had stretch to feed our family of 5. So we were thankful to always have food on the table. My parents would be unable to pay a bill and all of a sudden a check would come in the mail and again, God provided. I bring this up because random acts of kindness made all the difference to us. We grew up near another family, a family of 7 I do believe 😝 and they were and are some of the nicest people I have ever known. They are always willing to help anyone in need. We struggled with cars a lot and working, dependable vehicles. One evening the father of the family came by and said to my dad, come with me. So I and I believe one of my brothers went with him and couple of his sons to head somewhere unknown to us. We ended up at a car lot where my dad was to sign papers for a used car this family had purchased for us. One act of kindness can change your whole outlook on life and how you view the people around you. I have no doubt that not growing up with a lot and having been witness to this family’s random acts of kindness resulted in my passion to continue and return the same to others, especially those in need.

I am thankful every single day for the life I have been given, even with all the good and bad. I am grateful beyond words and don’t take any thing for granted. I am blessed to be able to help others when they need it, and that’s one more point I’d like to add. Random acts of kindness can cost us money in some cases or examples I have you, but there are also random acts of kindness that cost nothing. You can offer your help and your time and that smile never costs a dime 😊❤ I would love you to take that challenge and comment back to this blog and tell me about your random act of kindness and how it played out. 💚🙏🙌

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A Tough Topic

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It’s very early morning, but I’m feeling led to venture down a certain path most people would choose not to talk about…

Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts and Suicidal Tendencies.

I get it, it’s not one of the most upbeat subjects to discuss, but not every conversation is meant to make you feel comfortable; some are meant to stir up your emotions and be thought-provoking and hopefully inspiring. Sharing our most vulnerable moments in life will likely be what other’s need to hear most.

As most of you probably have figured out by the majority of my posts, I am, in fact, a Christian. I obviously do believe in God and I was raised in a loving home. From the outside looking in, most would wonder what would cause someone with a life like me to even come close to having to deal with this subject matter. Let me say this first, Christians definitely aren’t perfect, much like everyone else. We all have our flaws and we all deal with problems and hardships differently. Being a Christian doesn’t make any if us immune to any kind of problems in life, but it can change our perspective and how we approach our own issues. We definitely fall, and many of us over and over…but we’re all on a unique path and on different maturity levels when it comes to our faith. So with that said, I’ll share my own personal experience on the topic.

As previously mentioned, I come from a loving intermediate family. Two parent household and my parents have been together for many years and still are. I grew up with two older brothers, so being feminine was never really an option 😂 I had to keep up with the boys and being rough and tumble wasn’t an option, it was necessity! 😝 We went to church on a regular basis; every Sunday and almost every Wednesday. Our small church felt more like a family than anything else. It truly was one of a kind. I also went to one elementary school, one middle school and one high school, never changing schools, so I had that stability too. I even had friends who went through each grade with me from the start. I was always close with my parents, a handful of other relatives, some teachers and I had friends…so why did I get to a point where I felt alone and misunderstood?

There’s been a few instances in my life where this topic of suicide, suicidal thoughts and tendencies has been most prominent. First I start with a middle school aged me. When we’re younger, we’re led to believe adults are rather truthful. They tell us things that will help us out and they are there to guide us in life, but not all adults are good spirited and not all have the best intentions. I don’t want to seem as if I am bad mouthing my family, but I am being honest…parts of my extended family are very harsh critics. There are some whom have always been negative and hateful, not only about other people they know but towards each other too. They magnified your “flaws” yet conveniently forget to ever acknowledge their own. I was often compared to someone else in my family, whom I love dearly. As all of us know, every person is built different. I remember as early as 8 being ridiculed for how I looked in a swim suit just swimming at my grandmother’s house. Now when I was 8 I was about 57 pound and really wasn’t a “big” person at all. At 8, I didn’t have that thought process though, I trusted that I was being fed the truth by an adult who should have loved me, but obviously did not. We would have holiday meals and even meals together after church on Sundays at times, and you’ll even be criticized for how much you put on your plate and if you get up for seconds, “you’re gonna get fatter eating that!” Yes, fattER as in you’re already fat now and more food is just going to add to your “problem”. I think of how different it would be had I been the person I am today back then; but I was still young. All of this criticism was constant and repetitive and at such a young age you foolishly start to believe the words being said about you. You now grow up believing you’re fat, ugly and you are left with zero self-esteem. Broken even before leaving elementary school. Fast forward to middle school me. Many children I know all go through that awkward stage where they’re in the middle of growing and their bodies are fluctuating and maturing and that only further aggravated the issues I already had. Siblings tease you on a regular basis, although not trying to add to your pain intentionally, they can mimic some things you’ve heard for years now and the self esteem has no chance. I don’t believe my brothers to have meant to hurt me with their words deeply, but their words stirred the echoes of the ones who did mean to. After years of hearing so many things wrong with my appearance: my weight, my skin, my teeth, my hair etc. one day (in 8th grade I believe) I felt like I had enough. I thought to myself what’s the point of being here; being alive to be the punching bag for others? It seems so trivial, but look at how bullying has come to the spotlight. Bullying happens not just at school or by classmates but by family members at get togethers or even worse, for some it happens in their own homes by their own parents. I felt alone, I felt hurt, I felt confused and I felt like a burden. I somehow convinced myself that lives around me would improve if I took my own life. We grew up having guns in our house and being around guns, and our parents always kept the guns put up. Being in middle school, you are kind of old enough to find the gun and maybe even sneak it off. Now, a gun I got a hold of may not have killed me, could have hurt me bad but who knows if the handgun would have done what I intended it to. I found it, brought it back go my room and crying I held this gun to my temple with my finger on the trigger. All these thoughts flooded my mind instantly..a mix of insults and comparisons. In one moment, I felt a tug at my heart. I felt a presence with me and my mind went to people close to me and I could see clearly how they would be affected. What if it hurt more people instead of improving their lives. In an instant, finger still on the trigger, I had this moment of clarity and I didn’t feel alone in that moment. In my heart I 110% believe it was God stopping me because He had better plans for me and my life. So after more tears, I gathered myself and snuck the gun back and never spoke of that incident. I felt ashamed.

Now onward we go into high school years. I was definitely not a “school spirit” type of person. Wasn’t part of a popular group nor did I desire to be. I was very much my own person and I wasn’t afraid to let my differences show. Still had friends, made good grades yet I fell down the same rabbit hole again. In my opinion, high schoolers are still confused on who they are as a person, but I was already there, I knew who I was and I had for a long time. You meet people who try to convince you that you would be better if you were different from how you are. I always had confidence to tell those types of people to take those conversations elsewhere because I was stronger than that. Why as a teenager do we let people we think we “love” alter our perceptions of ourselves. Our willingness and eagerness to change becomes annoying. Trust that we rarely give is suddenly freely given and then shattered into a million pieces. Previous friendships we believed we may have had before dating are betrayed and broken beyond repair. Here we are again, rejected, criticized, hurt and alone again. The story repeats itself. I let some people into my life and my heart that never deserved it. I was essentially that 8-year-old girl again, hanging on every word this person(s) said. Trying to fit into their image of what “pretty” or “beautiful” was. Little changes here and there and before you know it, you’re not yourself at all, but the person you believe you love is now more interested. That should be a red flag telling you to forget all of this, but sometimes we are simply ignorant. Persuasion and pressure, they cause you to find yourself in situations you have no way out of. You can be told “if you do this, then I believe you like me” “if you so this I probably will date you” “if you don’t do this I’ll never talk to you again”…yet, either way, you end up alone so it never really mattered. I know I am somewhat vague on this specific circumstance, maybe I will open up about it further in the future because it is something others go through as well. This situation led me to lose all care about myself and my well-being. I began being reckless and stupid. I would get sloppy drunk and find myself unable to lift my own head out of my vomit. I would once open my eyes and be laying in the middle of a road at night, anyone could had hit me and been unaware I was even in the road. I once went to climb off a 3rd floor balcony, but luckily was stopped in the process. I believe my lowest point was being so drunk and sick that I was shaking and unable to get up, so I had to crawl to the bathroom and no one would help. I remember laying there and thinking what am I doing? I was so scared and again, felt alone. All I wanted to do was call my parents to come get me, but I didn’t want to disappoint them because I had already disappointed myself enough. I prayed, CONTINUOUSLY, for God to let me survive that night; let me get out of here and I promise I’ll never drink again. To this day, I choose not to drink.

At some point in high school, I would start with the self harm. What would be categorized as “suicidal tendencies”. I started down the cutting route. It got to a point where I could walk in a room and see all the options of sharp objects I could use. I always cut in places you couldn’t see or that would be easily concealed: Bottom of the foot, palm of the hand, upper arm and hip. I used items like: seam rippers, broken pen shafts, scissors, broken cds, just whatever I could get my hands on really. Luckily, for me, it never went too far. It was many times about numbing myself. Feeling the physical pain would help me escape the emotional pain I felt at the time, thus the appeal. An escape. An easy way out. I met my now husband not long after that period of time and I credit him for opening my eyes and making me realize this could not continue.

The quote at the top of the blog represents advice I would give my younger self. There will be very dark times in most everyone’s life, but knowing that the darkness will eventually fade and the pain that’s consuming you today will ease and even subside, that information can make all the difference. Even the people you find to be the happiest and funniest, the ones who thrive on building others up and making others laugh, the ones who come from great homes…those people struggle too, in fact, they may just be some of the ones who are struggling the most. My story did not end and now I can be that light in someone else’s darkness. The beacon that leads them out of the water and onto the shore. Your story doesn’t have to end and it DOES get better. You are worth more than you believe.

Go out and speak with love. Go out of your way to let others know they are loved and cared for. Do something nice for a stranger. Ask someone if they need help, if they’re okay. You never know the profound impact one simple caring act can have. You may just restore hope in someone who believes there is none left.

My prayer for everyone today is that you have confidence in who you are on the inside and out. I pray that when you’re facing difficult times you find someone and confide in them. My hope is that you pray and know your prayers are important enough to be heard. I want all of you to acknowledge your strength, courage and importance. We all have a purpose for being alive. Each one of us has a unique gift and we can’t give up before even finding out what it is. Our gift will help so many others as well as ourselves. You are loved. You are important. You are cared for. You are seen. You are heard, even in your silence.

It does get better…that’s a promise.

Much love and God Bless

“What Ifs” and Worst Case Scenario Mindset

I’m sure this can correlate with my fear post, but totally unintentional.

I can tell you I live in the world of “what ifs” and I am always thinking ahead and trying to plan for the worst case scenario because, to me, it WILL happen. This can most definitely go hand in hand with the anxiety and panic disorders, but I know others without those disorders who also relate.

Avoidance is one of the worst things you can practice when it comes to anxiety and panic, it only feeds that fear or anxiousness more. You want to familiarize yourself with your fear and in most cases even doing whatever action scares you or causes these “what ifs” and worst case scenario thinking. I will need something as simple as groceries, but I tell myself I cannot go today because my husband isn’t with me and what if I get into an accident on my way. My husband will want to take the interstate to get somewhere faster, but we can’t because some type of Final Destination-type accident will occur. I’ll think one of the semi trucks will hit us or a gas truck will explode near us or when we go over a bridge we’ll go off the side and how will I get both my sons and myself and possibly my husband out. It truly can be a vicious cycle…if you let it consume you and dictate where you will go and what you will do. I myself am still very much a work in progress, so please don’t feel like I am speaking as someone who is “over it”…you’ll never be over it, but you can be in control of it. There are just so many examples I could throw out there…avoidance of dental work because of what may go wrong (but most likely never will), avoidance of doctor check ups because you may find out something is wrong, avoiding going certain places because someone may go on a shooting spree or a bombing may happen. It’s stuff we worry about more so now because we see it on the news ALL the time. Should we let it control our lives though? It goes back to us wanting to be in control, convincing ourselves we’re in control, but we aren’t. That’s the truth, not one of us can control what happens to us. In some cases we can be, to a point, but only God truly knows what will happen before it happens.

Here’s a nice “what if” question…what if, in your avoiding accidents and the worst case scenario, you actually cause the worst to happen when it wouldn’t have? So many times this happens; something worse happens trying to avoid something that probably never would have even occurred! We focus so much on avoiding potential danger that we don’t live and experience. It truly seems like a waste when you sit and dissect it, doesn’t it? How many people are out there have serious illnesses with no cure or have serious disabilities yet they are living more than people like me, or maybe even like yourself?

I know I am so adamant on my children not learning from my anxiety, my fears, my avoidance, my worries etc. That gives me a special drive I wouldn’t have without them. I do the best I can to mask myself at certain times, but when you’re a stay at home mom and home schooling mom as well, the kids are always with you and sadly there are times they see you at your worst. In some of those moments I try to explain to my oldest about what’s happening and what are some ways to help someone else if he ever knows anyone with anxiety or the other conditions we have discussed. I don’t want to completely shield them, because maybe one day they can help someone who needs it. Maybe they will have that extra patience, empathy and love as their father does. However, I do not want them to fall into the same patterns. I wish for them to recognize and break the pattern. I want them to live without letting fear or anxiousness guide them.

It’s not only avoidance. There are times I can sit and be lost in thought of something bad happening to someone so close to me. I envision these horrible accidents and even death. It’ll bring you to tears, but it’s a bit like torturing yourself. It’s something that just happens, I’m not sure why, but people with a mindset like me can fully understand and relate.

Why do we let these thoughts in? Do we not have control over our own thoughts and mind? The beauty is, we do! We can choose to not let our thoughts drift to the doom and gloom. We can recognize it happening and turn it around, get our minds busy and refocused on something else. Much like with anxiety, refocusing exercises can be so helpful! I often pray in times that my mind starts to go over to “the dark side” and ask for my mind to be filled with things more positive and uplifting, knowing that He is working for me and has my best interest at heart. It can be like a boulder being lifted off your shoulders. Rejuvenating. You can also practice yoga, meditation, coloring/drawing, writing/journaling, going for a walk outdoors, exercise…something that refocuses your energy and helps you re-center. It can be easier said than done, but give it a shot and maybe not immediately, but over time you will start to see a difference. It’s very similar to trigger recognition in anxiety and panic; you start noticing the start of things that cause you to spiral and you can more quickly reverse them as you learn more about them and their origin.

My prayer for all of you today is that you all find solace in God and any one or all of those activities to refocus and re-center your minds. I am a huge advocate for the power of prayer; it has helped me tremendously, along with my faith and I cannot stress enough how without them, I would not be here today! I want all of you to live your lives to the fullest every single day, without letting your fears, your what ifs, your worst case scenario mindsets to dictate your days, weeks, months or years. I desire all of you to have confidence enough to step out of your comfort zones and explore the world around you, even if it means exposure to a fear or avoidance. Baby steps start off small and shaky, but as time progresses they get stronger and more steady. Please feel free to comment and let me know a fear/avoidance that you chose to face after reading this! I would love to hear about it! Much love and God Bless!

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The Fruit Loop In The Cheerios

I have been lurking around my own old social media posts, to dig up some gems that I could build upon on here. I found a few promising topics and I may just use one now! I haven’t been blogging much in the early morning, although with the kids sleeping it would be a more opportune time, I tend to wait to see what inspiration the day and God hands me. Today, I feel this topic works for so many people, although it’s widely perceived as more of a female issue, I am confident more males deal with it than is admitted.

Self Esteem.

Most of my life I would have deemed myself someone with zero self esteem…I would have even ventured to tell you a negative number! It’s unfortunate how many people in this world don’t recognize their own worth. It’s very sad and I don’t see that issue getting any better, if anything (in my opinion) it’s gotten worse with all the “rage” there is around the cosmetic industry and not to mention society’s ever-growing expectations of how one should look. I am very much a person who doesn’t care how I am viewed by others (if you could see old school photos, you’d understand more lol) but even being a person who doesn’t let people under their skin as I have gotten older, I didn’t always shrug off the words of others. I believe, subconsciously, we hold on to much more than we realize. We hear the words of others in our own heads but it’s in our own voice and not theirs. Somewhere down the line we gave a person or persons the power to enter our thoughts and alter our perception of self.

I’ll share something I have previously written on a social media post, and then continue on from there. Here’s what I wrote, “It’s been an extremely long journey for me to look at this girl in the mirror and say, “eh, you’re aaaiigght!” I literally used to avoid anything that showed a reflection whenever I could.
Getting ready for school I’d brush my teeth to the side of the mirror. I remember any time I’d catch a glimpse in my bedroom mirror, I’d break down in tears because one glimpse would reveal at least 15 flaws I saw with my appearance. One glimpse and the echo of all the negative words I had constantly been fed would overwhelm my mind. No matter what, I always seemed to JUST miss that boat; that boat which offered a cruise upstream through a plethora of compliments that would nourish self-esteem and self-confidence, yet I always seemed to be left in the wake.
Left in the wake in rough, choppy water…always struggling to stay afloat amongst the never-ending negative words which forever consumed me. Trying to always keep my head held high, but only ever keeping it just above water…just enough to survive, just enough to simply be.
I now am at a point where I realize the rough choppy water was never a reflection of myself, but a reflection of those whom the hatred often flowed from.
Today, I am FAR from confident, but I can look at myself and see more than the negative words. More than the comparisons. I can say maybe you’re alright, and to say I’m alright to myself may not seem like much, but it’s a pretty big deal. It may seem as if I am exaggerating, but trust me when I say I wish these words were an exaggeration. Unfortunately hateful words from unhappy and cruel people starting a young, impressionable age (just 8 years old) can ultimately affect you for a lifetime. I’ll always hear them in the back of my mind, I am just hopeful they will drown. 👐🖒 Drown out hate and let the love always flow. 💋❤ I pray that every last person reading this knows how beautiful they are, inside and out and how much they are worth. Never let the words of others define who you are, especially who you are to yourself!”

I didn’t feel that I could have written it any better than that day, thus sharing the actual post. I’m sure not everyone can relate to this topic, but I am very sure there are thousands out there (at least) who can and hopefully they can start to heal. I do want everyone reading this to know their worth and believe they are more than any negative comments that have ever been made about them. Some of us, at one time or another, may not have understood that hateful and unhappy people want nothing more than to bring others down to their level of unhappiness. Misery loves company; but we control whether we sink or swim. It’s a difficult process to overcome those thoughts, especially when so many comments were constantly fed to you. I wouldn’t say I personally have amazing self esteem, like I mentioned previously I would have said zero or some negative number…but today, I could say I’ve made my way over to the positive side of the number line, even if it’s a 1, it’s still a step in the right direction.

My challenge for you today would be to stand in front of a mirror and think or say something positive about yourself. Something that I often found confusing is that I had confidence in who I was, in my character, yet it was the outer shell I believed didn’t match. So, when I tell yo to think or say something positive about yourself…it can be appearance or even something about who you are inside, or both! Write 5 positive things about your appearance/character on a piece of paper and keep it somewhere that you can easily find it; heck, post it on the mirror! 😊 Our differences/uniqueness is where true beauty comes from. The world is full of such diverse beauty, yet everyone strives to look like each other or act like each other. Find confidence in yourself and don’t compare yourself to others or let others compare you to someone else. You have a beauty that no one else has, use it! May you come to the realization that all those comments you were ever force-fed were and are a reflection of the person who said them or says them; they were/are never about you in the first place. Much love and God Bless! romans12_2