Jekyll vs Hyde

In life, I like to live my life as transparent as I can. With me, usually what you see is what you get. I believe the only exception is my mind. That’s a rather odd statement considering I share SO much, but at the same time I feel when it comes to how my mind and thought process works, I don’t share fully. Many times I believe I have shared completely when maybe I only share 50%. The problem is, I don’t think it’s possible for me to share completely all of my thoughts; there’s just WAY too many swirling around all at once. I tend to just stew because I feel like I will be a burden if I speak any of my “issues”, so I tend to just be to others what I need for myself. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being the positivity for others, bringing light into their world, but it should cause you to neglect your own light. 

I, for as long as I can remember, have always been the light for so many, that when it comes to my life, I am dark. I am the complete opposite in my own life, for myself,  than I am with everyone else. Why? I have no idea. It’s as if I use up all my energy and positivity to build others up, until I just have nothing left for myself. In every aspect of my life, whatever relationship it may be, I always put others before myself and I move my own issues to the very bottom of the “to do” list. In my mind, when someone needs help, it’s MY job to fix their problems. I take their problems so personally, that their problems become more of my problems than their own; not even they would feel as troubled by their issues. I’m just such a feelings person. I swear to you, I can feel the feelings of others and usually without them ever saying a word…it’s like an extra sense. I always view it as a God-given gift. I truly live to help others and make them laugh and just fix their problems. I live to make others happy, but what happens when I need the laugh, the compliment, the conversation, the hug, the words of encouragement, the positivity, the smile or just the help? Who can help me?

We all have those people in our lives who will say, “I’m always here for you” but I’ve come to find that maybe, for most (not all), that these words are uttered out of a sense of obligation. Maybe they feel they HAVE to say this or it makes them feel better to say this, but most people mean, “I’m always here for you…IF I have the time.” Numerous times in my life, I have set aside my own issues to help everyone. I have been in full on panic and anxiety yet I say let me help or I just simply listen.  I didn’t always have the time, but I MADE the time. I put all else in my life aside to help. It’s hard, at times, not to let that cause bitterness. I am not that kind of person, nor do I want to be, but at times you have these thoughts that tell you that no one really cares about you. When you have so many thoughts swirling around in your mind, you tend to get overwhelmed and easily stressed out, so the negative becomes much more easier to believe. At times, you want to say that you need help, but you know no one would pay attention anyway, nor would they understand.

I am not writing this to garner sympathy, but rather to make people aware that even the most positive people in your lives, those who bring you so much joy or make you laugh or are always there for you, they need help too. They are struggling too, so don’t forget them when things are going good for you or when you feel better. I have so many thoughts going on all the time that I feel guilty for thinking most of them. I’m like, my life is good, I have God in my heart, my babies are healthy, happy and just so beautiful, I have an amazing marriage, I have a nice home,  I know other people with FAR greater problems than I have, yet here I am struggling to keep my head above water. There’s so much I want to get out but I can’t. I, myself, cannot even express fully every thought I have. I hear them in my mind, like people talking all at once and all I know is when I try to even get someone to understand the slightest little bit, my thoughts start to come out in the form of tears. Then it’s like why are you crying again? What do you have to be upset about? You’re acting foolish!

The guilt, the guilt will eat you alive. You have your struggles yet you tell yourself you have no reason to feel how you do. You assign so much guilt to yourself because, how can you be so positive for others yet in your life you’re being negative. You view life in worst case scenarios and you have such a negative thought process, yet if someone needs some cheering up, you’re all rainbows, sunflowers and unicorns. You show them how to look on the bright side and carry them along until they are able to walk alone again and then you go back to you own life, drained and barely breathing. You’ve now given away the best version of yourself to everyone else. 

I’m not even sure that this post will be cohesive, I feel as if I am just rambling, but hopefully someone gets something out of it! I hope that you can find a healthy balance between helping others and helping yourselves. I hope that you can remember to fill your own cup as you fill everyone else’s. For myself, coming to the rescue is like breathing to me, I just have to, but maybe I can be more mindful of my own needs. In my mind, thinking or even putting any amount of focus on my own needs is being selfish. I would tell others that thinking of their needs is not being selfish, bit in my own life if I do it then I am being selfish. I don’t know why I am so hard on myself, but I am! I am so great at giving the best advice, yet I cannot even give myself any words of wisdom. I hate to even make a post such as this. I have contemplated deleting this several times during my typing. I don’t like to out negativity out there and I feel as if that’s what I’m doing. I don’t want to come across as a complainer. I suppose sharing the negative can make us appreciate the positive more. Maybe in sharing some of my thought process, it’ll make someone else feel less alone in their thinking. Even the most positive of people can have a hard time, so please remind those people who are always there for you just how much they mean to you and don’t forget to genuinely ask how they’re doing or if they need anything. ❤️🙏

Dear God,

I pray for anyone reading this that relates to what I’ve typed. I pray that they remember to take care of themselves, even when they’re taking care of others. I also pray that you help them deal with any guilt they feel, may they know that it’s okay to think of themselves sometimes. I pray that they know they are never alone with You in their lives and that You are always willing to listen. May we all remember that You are a constant even when others come and go. Thank you for all the good in our lives and even the bad, for without the bad we would never truly appreciate the good! AMEN. 🙌

Much Love and God Bless!

Update On Selah Grace

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Above is an update from Selah’s Dad.

Selah did great during surgery and is now in the recovery phase. The doctors are amazed at how well she is doing and how great her stats already are! GOD IS GOOD! Thank you all for the prayers for Selah Grace, and please continue to pray for her and the family! ❤️🙌🙏🎉

A Prayer For Selah Grace

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My baby cousin, Little Miss Selah Grace, has just been taken back to the OR for open heart surgery. Join me in prayer…
Heavenly Father, we come together in prayer this morning, to lift up Selah Grace. We know she has several heart issues Lord, but we also know You are The Great Physician! We pray that You would watch over the entire team in the room with Selah; we pray you guide the hands of her surgeon. Lord, we also pray that You continue giving Selah Your strength, the strength only You are able to give. We know she is very strong, but with You on her side, she’s even stronger! Thank you for watching over her since she was born 18 days ago and we trust You will continue watching over her. Only You know what is best for Selah; what she needs and when she needs it. We trust this is You intervening with the moving up of her surgery. May Selah Grace have a wonderful surgery and an even better recovery so that she can finally go home with her brothers and mom and dad and that they can all hold her and love on her ❤️ I pray for the entire family and most importantly Selah’s mother and father as they wait during surgery. Let Your comfort and peace be over them. Just as David went up against Goliath without physical armor, so Selah goes against her giant, both having You as their armor, strength and courage and we have faith that Selah Grace will be victorious! We pray this all in YOUR name, AMEN!❤️🙌🙏💪

Little Miss Selah Grace

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Hi everyone! This is my baby cousin (my cousin Kayla’s baby girl). Her name is Selah Grace and she was born on October 5th, 2019. She has always looked so great since birth, one would never know she was born with a few complicated heart issues. She has some leaky valves, among other things, but the main concern now is getting the leaks fixed. She was set for surgery this Thursday the 24th which is actually her mother’s birthday, however her surgery has been moved up to tomorrow Oct 23rd at 8:15am. She has been able to do things that most of the little patients in her position don’t normally do, so needless to say she is a very strong little girl! She was born a fighter and God has given her the strength every step of the way and we believe He will continue to do so! We believe very much in the power of prayer and I am asking all of you to please keep my precious cousin in your prayers! Please pray God will guide the hands of the surgeons tomorrow and pray for His comfort and peace to be over the family during the waiting period. They said it could be a shorter surgery or it could go up to 8 hours! Please pray for Selah to come out of surgery with wonderful improvement and be on her road to going home with her family! Let’s pray that Momma gets to hold her baby girl very soon, as she hasn’t been able to because of all the pesky tubes! This baby girl is already such a symbol of strength and I have faith that she will do wonderfully in surgery and after! Please remember Selah Grace today, tomorrow (especially during surgery time) and every day after! God bless you Selah Grace! We love you baby girl!❤️🙏💪 Please feel free to comment on this post your well wishes for the family! Let them know you’ll be praying!

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I’m Baaaaaccckk!

It’s great to be back on the blog! I had some issues trying to renew, but that’s all taken care of and now I am ready to get to work! 😊 It has been TOO long! To be honest, the thought of not renewing crossed my mind. Something told me, “It’s not like you have a huge following anyway.” I admit, I did let that thought linger for a short time, but I recognized it to be the words of the enemy. What more could satan want than for me to quit spreading my belief in God to others? I may not have a bunch of followers for my blog, but the number of followers I have is not the issue! When I set out to do this blog, I said all I want is to be able to at least reach ONE person. I wanted to have an impact on multiple people, but if I was told just one person out of 60 something followers was moved by any of my blogs, then it would all be worth it!

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I appreciate all of my followers on here and I apologize for even entertaining the thought of letting this blog slip out of my hands. I have so much love for you all and I truly care to share so many things with you! Even though I was unable to get on here for some time, I was brainstorming about new subject matter. I questioned some people I knew personally that read, asking them what subject would be interesting to them to learn about etc. For some reason, I have wanted to do a 3 part blog series; diving into parts of the Bible and breaking them down. I was unsure of where I would go with it, and I did get some ideas from others, but the one I think I will end up going with came out of a simple conversation I had. I think dissecting the armor of God would make for an interesting read. I would love to know what all of you think about the idea! Also, if any of you have an ideas of topics for me to discuss or personal experiences for me to share, feel free to ask questions or leave comments/suggestions! Feedback is always appreciated and insightful! I’m so overjoyed to be back to my blog space!!!! Sending tons of love to all of you beautiful people!! 💚

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Much love and God bless!

Let Them Know

So, I have always lived with this philosophy that if you feel something, you let it be known. It may sound like it’s not always a good idea, but it’s living honestly. If someone has upset me, I need to talk to that person and work through it or at least voice to them how they have made me feel or how I have perceived what they said. If I am happy and joyful, sad or anxious, I talk about it-even if no one is listening at least I have said it out loud…although, a good thing to remember is that God is always listening 🙌  I also make sure to express my love and feelings to the ones I truly care about on a regular basis!

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There are many times where I have this very strong urge to get in touch with a specific person and I never ignore it and if it ever happens to you, you should never ignore it either! I always view this as a gift God has given me, because each time I have these strong feelings to say specific things to specific people, it’s at a time they need it most; it’s like I sense a disturbance in the force. 😜

No one knows how long they have here on Earth, or how long any of their family/friends/loved ones have either, so we should make a point to stop what we are doing and make time to let those we love most know we love them and are thinking about them; you never know when a day might come and you won’t be able to do so. Trust me, I completely understand being guarded, I too have trust issues, but this is all about giving and not worrying about how others feel towards you. Of course it’s always nice if the love is reciprocated, but don’t base your happiness on hearing back all the kind and loving things you say. Some of us live in fear of expressing our love because it just doesn’t come easy to us, it feels awkward and many times it’s because one or both parents didn’t feel comfortable expressing themselves to you as a child and it’s a repeated behavior. The fear can even come from always giving your love to others and they just treat it as if it’s worthless trash. All I am saying is, none of that matters. All you need to worry about is your feelings and letting those you love know it before it’s too late and just let them know without expecting a response.

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In this same spirit, we should never shy away from sharing our faith with our loved ones, especially our loved ones who may not know about God or believe in Him. We can let them know His love never fails and in Him we have comfort, peace, security, love, hope, forgiveness, life and eternity. If they never hear it, they’ll never know it. All we can do is put it out there and it’s up to them what they want to do with that information. How amazing it would be if one day when we get to Heaven, those we told that may not have believed, greet us at the gates! How priceless that would be. I want to be the reason someone makes it to Heaven!

I want to pray for anyone out there today who struggles with expressing themselves and anyone who has recently lost someone close to them or even if they’ve lost someone close years ago, may you all find comfort and peace in Him. May we all understand that God has a plan for each and every one of us and although we may not understand certain things that happen, God knows what should happen and when and even why. His plan isn’t always going to be easy, but one day we will understand. May you always lean on Him. In His name I pray! Amen!

screenshot_2019-01-08-14-59-48-1Much Love and God Bless! 💚