Armor of God Series: Sword of the Spirit & Helmet of Salvation

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In Ephesians 6:17 (as seen above) you’ll notice the helmet is listed before the sword, but in this post I am going to touch on the Sword of the Spirit first. I hope everyone reading has not only found this series interesting but informative as well. My hope is that everyone take these words to heart and apply them to their own lives.

The Sword of the Spirit is a weapon belonging to the Holy Spirit. Not unlike in battle where a sword is used to protect ourselves, His Word is our protection against the enemies attacks; our sword. Whether in battle years ago or in our spiritual battle, in order to wield the sword properly we must first learn how to use it; we must go through training in order to receive it’s full benefits. All Christians need proper training to understand the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God; the Holy Scriptures.

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The Word of God (The Bible) is from The Holy Spirit and written by men. Only when understood and used properly, can the Word of God or Sword of the Spirit be effectively used as protection against evil.

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Hebrews describes the Word of God as a sword, and not just any sword but sharper than any double edged sword. Double edged swords are known to be easier to penetrate and cut in every way and in telling us that His Word is sharper, it is giving us the knowledge that His Word penetrates our hearts and gets to our very core where it reveals our true motives and feelings.

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The purpose of the Sword is to give us strength and allow us to withstand the evil attacks of the enemy. The Holy Spirit uses the power of God’s Word to not only save souls, but also to give us strength to become mature soldiers of Christ so that we may fight against the corrupt world we live in. The more we familiarize ourselves with His Word, the more useful we will become in carrying out His Will and the more effectively we can stand against the enemy.

Helmet Of Salvation

I saved the Helmet of Salvation for last because, quite simply, when putting on armor it would be the last piece to go on. When suiting up, our helmet would go on last, signifying our final act of readiness. In battle, the helmet is vital for survival as it protects the brain. If a soldier’s head becomes injured, the rest of the armor then becomes impractical.

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Our defense against the enemy is our assurance of salvation. In preparation, we must secure our Helmet of Salvation. The salvation which God gifts us is on-going; an eternal state which we can enjoy daily protection and deliverance from both Satan’s schemes and our sins.

The power of the cross cancels out the hold the enemy has on us. Satan is aware of this, but he also knows that not all of us are aware of that fact or that most of us don’t live as if we are aware. It is imperative that we learn to keep our helmet secure so that the enemy doesn’t enter into our minds. If we allow him into our thoughts, he will gain control of us. We can never fight against attacks if we are already defeated in our minds.

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Through the Helmet of Salvation we destroy every obstacle that hinders us from knowing God.Β  There are steps we can take to ensure that our helmet stays securely fastened and functional. We can renew our minds for starters. Our minds are our battlefields and the outcome of our battles determines the course of our lives.

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We must allow truth to erase all of our old ideas, opinions or world views and replace them with what we know to be right through His Word. Allow that truth to wash away the filth of this world, all of it’s lies and confusion from our minds, so that we may see how God sees. We can also reject doubts caused by our circumstances. Humans are emotional creatures by nature. We are sensitive and we tend to ignore anything we cannot come to comprehend through our senses. If we allow our situations to dictate our thoughts, they will likely convince us that God doesn’t love us and that His Word isn’t true. Where there is doubt, there is no faith and where there is faith, there is no doubt. You cannot have both at once. Through our faith, we choose to believe the appearance of the impossible.

Another thing we can do is, when life doesn’t seem to be going our way, we can look to Him and keep an eternal perspective. Salvation is the most priceless and precious gift we have received and remembering that can help us get through any of life’s storms. We would do well to remember that victory has already been attained.

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In knowing that we are dead to sin and alive in Christ, we rid Satan of his trap and opportunities. We cut off failure.

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We can find hope in Him. The Helmet of Salvation is most effective when we value what it represents. We have to treasure it more than any other earthly possession; it just not be regarded as such. We can phase out our enemy by making God our focus. Wearing out helmet daily allows us to guard and protect our minds from any tricks the devil tries to play on us. It will help us guard our minds from excessive worldly influence, allowing us to think of things which bring honor to God. The Helmet of Salvation protects our hearts as well as our minds.

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Don’t let this be the end of your Armor of God Series. I hope I can encourage you all to dive into His Word and study yourself. I have been a Christian for my whole life, being born again at the age of 9. Although I was baptized at an earlier age (a couple years prior) when I reached 9 years old I felt like I truly understood the gift of being born again and wanted to make it known publicly by another baptism. Not necessary, but symbolic. I’mΒ  almost to 31 years of age and I can assure you that the more I study God’s Word, the more things I see that I never did before. Imagine how many times I have heard some of these passages in my life and yet, each time (like us daily, through Him) they become brand new. What I am saying is, no matter what stage you are at in your faith/beliefs, you can always uncover something you haven’t before.

God, I pray over everyone who has taken this series journey with me, that they read my words and see You in them. I pray that they understand You more and what You have done for them and what You are willing to do for them. I pray every knows it is never too late to come to You and there is never a point in life where they are “too far gone”, they can always come home. Thank you for using me to reach so many and I pray that You continue to use me. I lift up everyone reading who is struggling or has things going on in their life causing them distress, may you comfort them, guide them and heal them. Thank You for the gift of Salvation through Your Son Jesus Christ. In Your name I pray. Amen.

One more thing.

I know I spoke a bit about being baptized, but I want to stress that you can become born again without baptism. If you accept Jesus in your heart, regardless of baptism, you are still saved. You still have a place in Heaven. Don’t think that because you haven’t been baptized or can’t for some reason that you aren’t truly saved. Baptism is a nice public show of being born again and if you are able you definitely should have that celebration, but know that it is not essential for becoming new. Anyone out there reading, from right where you’re sitting, can pray to God admitting that you are a sinner and have sinned, that you believe God is the one and only God and sent His son Jesus to die for our sins on the cross and confess that Jesus is Lord of your life and you commit your life to following His Word and you will be saved. Ask Jesus to come into your heart and you will receive the gift of salvation. That’s easily. We as Christians must commit to turning away from our old way of living, our old ways of thinking and embrace truth through His Word.

Since starting this blog and sharing His Word with others, I have felt a renewed sense of faith. I have always had what I feel to be a strong faith, but feel closer to God as I study His Word more and more. I want to publicly rededicate my life to Him today, right here on my blog. I want to become stronger if my faith and to continue seeking God in all that I do in life. I want to do more. I want to renew my heart and mind and reprogram it with the knowledge I have always had but may have not always put into practice. I don’t want to just simply be saved, I want to help save others and live my life in a way that bring honor to God. I want my faith in Him to be so evident that people who don’t know me know that there is something different about me! What a blessing for the end of this series. I wasn’t aware that I would end with this or feel led to do so, but how amazing it is πŸ™ŒπŸŽ‰

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Much love and God Bless πŸ’“

Armor of God Series: Breastplate of Righteousness

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Continuing the Armor of God series, we move on to the Breastplate of Righteousness. In order to wear the breastplate, we must first have the Belt of Truth securely fastened. As we discussed in the previous blog, the Belt of Truth is essential to the armor as a whole; without truth, the armor becomes futile.

A breastplate was often used in battle to protect the wearer from attack by covering the vital organs. We can easily agree that if we were made to go into battle in those days, we would ALL desire to wear a breastplate! Why do we view it as a necessity when it comes to physical battle but not spiritual battle? Putting on the Breastplate of Righteousness symbolizes our desire to seek God and His righteousness. We crave for our ways to become like His! We acknowledge that apart from Him, we can do nothing and we realize that regardless of our failures, His righteousness has already been given to us. God will often reveal areas in our lives in which change may be necessary and we should always answer that call. If we refuse to answer the call, or say no to God, we leave ourselves vulnerable to Satan’s weapons.

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As God’s children, we receive the Armor of God; each piece representing His strength. God gifts us with strength directly from Him! At the cross, Jesus died not only for our sins but for us to inherit righteousness from His Father. We receive the gift of righteousness through our repentance. This gift of righteousness is designed by God to protect our heart and soul from the evilness and deception of Satan and his followers. We are called to “put on” our armor thus implying that we are not always wearing it. Wearing the armor requires us to make a decision. Do we suit up, or do we try to go it alone? Our righteousness alone is inadequate, we need Him! When we make that decision to put on the Breastplate of Righteousness, we are then deciding to put into practice what we believe. In other words, we have talked the talk but can we walk the walk! Taking up the breastplate is a lifestyle change in which weΒ  strive to be more like God, in turn making more godly choices thus protecting ourselves from further temptation and deception.

Carelessness, unbelief, abusing grace and disobedience are just a handful of factors that can and will interfere with the effectiveness of not only the breastplate, but the armor in its entirety. With the armor’s effectiveness in question, our chances of standing firm against the attacks of the enemy are drastically reduced. If we choose to rely on our personal righteousness, refusing to forgive and tolerating sin, we start to permit earthly concerns to take up residence in our lives. Once we start allowing those concerns to settle in our lives, we give them permission to consume our time, which then steals away our time for God. In the end, we remove our Breastplate of Righteousness, minimizing it’s power to protect us and eliminating the purity we receive from it.

Wearing the Breastplate of Righteousness allows us to become fair, honest, good and humble individuals who do right in God’s sight. We surrender our heart to God, relinquishing control so He may protect it from the enemy’s attacks. Will you choose to wear the breastplate, leaving your old ways behind or will you continue to try and make it on your own?

Dear God, I lift up all of my readers to you today that they may have a better understanding of the Breastplate of Righteousness and its importance. I pray we all choose to make that lifestyle change and strive to make more godly decisions in our lives. May we never forget that You are always with us and You are always willing to help us. Please allow us to recognize that You have given us the gift of righteousness through the death of Your Son. May we all remember to put on our breastplate daily! Thank You for all You do for us and may You help anyone out there who needs You today. In Your name I pray, AMEN.

Much Love and God Bless!

Armor Of God Series: The Belt Of Truth

Hi everyone! I’m overjoyed to be back and to have renewed the blog, as I mentioned in my previous post! WordPress actually informed me today that it’s my one year blog-iversary! πŸ˜‚πŸ‘πŸ™ŒπŸŽ‰ Doesn’t seem as if it could already have been a year, yet here we are! At the same time, it feels as if I haven’t done as much as I should in one full year!! Hopefully this year I will be more present and mindful of posting.

As I stated in the last post, I will be doing a little blog series on The Armor of God! I will pick apart the different pieces of spiritual armor and analyze them to the best of my ability. I hope you will all find it an interesting subject and maybe learn something you were not aware of before. Also, I must stress this point again. I write my blogs as a Christian, believing there is one and only one God who sent His son (Jesus) to walk this Earth doing good works and performing miracles until He died for ALL of us (believers and non) on the cross! He died so that all of our sins past, present and future, would be forgiven. Now that I have reiterated that point, I am ready to suit up!

The Belt of Truth.

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Now, when we envision armor, we normally envision the more prominent pieces such as the helmet or breastplate, but what about the belt? The belt may not always be seen, but without it our armor becomes compromised. When a chain has a kink it will not work effectively or even at all, in the same way our armor cannot work effectively if our belt isn’t securely fastened or if there are missing pieces to our belt. Although the belt seems insignificant, it holds great meaning in it’s role. The belt was often used to hold the sword while going into battle. Our Sword of the Spirit cannot be carried unless we wear our belt. The belt secures all the other pieces of armor!

So, what does the Belt of Truth represent?

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Truth is God’s word or The Holy Bible. Christians believe that absolute truth can be found in God’s word and that it is meant to be shared with others. Truth guides our decision making and frees us from the lies of Satan. Truth will allow us to fight the spiritual battle without being hindered. As Christians, we should hold on to what we know to be good (the truth) and discard the rest! Truth should adhere to us just as a belt would. If we don’t truly believe, what then can we accomplish?

Now some of us may still think a belt is nonessential. “If I wear all the other pieces of armor surely I’ll be safe in the spiritual battle; a belt isn’t very important anyway.” Well, we already concluded that the belt, although small is not without meaning; it actually holds all the other pieces into place and secures it. So, without the Belt of Truth (the Word of God) we become vulnerable to attacks. The world would like us to believe that truth is what man says it is; ever changing and dependent upon circumstances. The world would also have us to believe that “good” and “bad” are relative and there are no absolutes, just opinions. We know that’s not true because God is truth. The Bible is truth. God has defined “good” and “bad” and has done so without being influenced by the world or outside opinions. Absolute truth is absolutely NOT a myth!

We talked earlier about kinks in a chain and how it alters the function of the chain. It either keeps it from working effectively or keeps it from working at all. This can be compared to living a life that’s not in 100% accordance to the truth (word of God) we know. We can’t know truth and only live up to 75% or 80% or even 99%. Our trust in God and His Word (the Bible) must be solid, otherwise our armor becomes penetrable. Even if all other areas of our lives are solid and in accordance and all of our other pieces of armor are accounted for and well put together, one weak area (or kink) will compromise the entire armor and render it useless in our spiritual battles. Our sword is essential and without the Belt of Truth we have no sword. We must know what we believe and why!

Have you forgotten about your belt? Have you adopted the view point that some is better than none? How secure is your belt?

God, I pray that all who weren’t aware and even those who have heard of The Belt of Truth now have a better understanding after reading these words. I pray we all understand the significance and importance of the Belt of Truth and that we apply it to our lives. The Belt is Truth and Your Word, The Bible, is the absolute Truth. May we carry it with us always, living our lives as You have instructed us to and sharing truth with others. Thank you for allowing me to share Your truth with others so that they may follow suit. Thank you for this blog and for all those who take the time to read it, may you bless them in their lives and hear their prayers. May you help them in any area of their lives that they need help in and give them comfort and peace that exceeds all understanding. In Your name I pray, Amen!

Quickly, I’d like to ask for your prayers for my brother in law Carlos. He has some testing to go through and has to play the waiting game and many of us know the unsettled feelings that process brings! Pray for Carlos and my sister Aarin and their family as they go through this time please! There is power in prayer and I am confident God has blessings coming their way πŸ™ŒπŸ™ God is good ALL the time!

Much Love and God BlessπŸ’š

I’m Baaaaaccckk!

It’s great to be back on the blog! I had some issues trying to renew, but that’s all taken care of and now I am ready to get to work! 😊 It has been TOO long! To be honest, the thought of not renewing crossed my mind. Something told me, “It’s not like you have a huge following anyway.” I admit, I did let that thought linger for a short time, but I recognized it to be the words of the enemy. What more could satan want than for me to quit spreading my belief in God to others? I may not have a bunch of followers for my blog, but the number of followers I have is not the issue! When I set out to do this blog, I said all I want is to be able to at least reach ONE person. I wanted to have an impact on multiple people, but if I was told just one person out of 60 something followers was moved by any of my blogs, then it would all be worth it!

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I appreciate all of my followers on here and I apologize for even entertaining the thought of letting this blog slip out of my hands. I have so much love for you all and I truly care to share so many things with you! Even though I was unable to get on here for some time, I was brainstorming about new subject matter. I questioned some people I knew personally that read, asking them what subject would be interesting to them to learn about etc. For some reason, I have wanted to do a 3 part blog series; diving into parts of the Bible and breaking them down. I was unsure of where I would go with it, and I did get some ideas from others, but the one I think I will end up going with came out of a simple conversation I had. I think dissecting the armor of God would make for an interesting read. I would love to know what all of you think about the idea! Also, if any of you have an ideas of topics for me to discuss or personal experiences for me to share, feel free to ask questions or leave comments/suggestions! Feedback is always appreciated and insightful! I’m so overjoyed to be back to my blog space!!!! Sending tons of love to all of you beautiful people!! πŸ’š

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Much love and God bless!

Truths or Excuses?

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It’s been too long since I have last blogged, I sure hope you all are still out there and ready to tune in 😜

I was chatting with a good friend of mine today, a former high school teacher who I keep in contact with. I was checking in on him and letting him know my family and I were thinking of him and also how I missed chatting with him through messenger. You see, I have gotten rid of my Facebook for probably a year now and he also rid himself of it as well, but I still have the messenger part. He and I used to chat on messenger regularly, but since he only has a computer and no cell phone, he can’t have messenger if he doesn’t have Facebook. This brought up the subject of Facebook and how we are (personally) completely fine without using. There was a point that I brought up in the discussion and I said, why not blog on this topic!

In the conversation I said, “Imagine how different the world could be if we used all the time, energy and passion we give to Facebook and instead put it all back out into our world.” We all crave change. We all crave a better world. We are ALL equipped with some specific and unique God-given gift to make a difference in this world, yet we give excuses for not being the change we want to see. Trust me, some of the excuses we give are legitimate. We are too tired, too busy and we don’t have enough time in the day. While all those excuses may hold some degree of truth in our lives, are they more of an excuse than a truth? If we didn’t have enough time, like many of us claim, then how can we spend hours on social media? How is it that we can binge watch our favorite shows for hours or get lost in a good book and still claim a time issue?

 

Let me speak a little truth…if we truly desire to do something, we see that we do whatever it takes to make it happen and we rise above any obstacle that may stand in our way. Therefore, if we truly desired change, we wouldn’t find as many excuses as we could; we wouldn’t contradict ourselves by claiming there isn’t enough time, yet spend hours on our electronics.

We also spoke about how we found this specific site to provoke so many unnecessary feelings/emotions. My friend mentioned how it felt as if it caused many of us to try to relive our past instead of live in the present. I added that it’s a bit disappointing to see so many people fighting with each other over such insignificant topics, when there are so many other fights worth fighting out there and in much more productive and respectful ways. Imagine all that passion and energy to win arguments on social mediaΒ  being put to use in whatever cause they are arguing over.

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All of this can be said about our attitude towards our relationship with God as well! Many of us like to believe we have a solid relationship with God based on simply believing in Him and speaking well of Him to others, yet we lack that intimate connection. We use all those same, worn out excuses for not sparing an hour, 30 minutes or even 5 minutes to spend with God and His word. It goes back to our priorities and how we organize those in our own lives. Just as we can take a certain amount of time daily to devote to our own personal interests, we can just as easily take the same amount of time or even more and devote it towards bettering our relationship with God, bettering ourselves and bettering the world around us. We can dive into our Bibles instead of the newest best-selling novel. We can talk to God about our day and our problems or simply extend Him our gratitude instead of posting all of it to people who mostly won’t give it a second thought. We can ask Him for guidance in revealing our calling and showing us the way to use it to both please Him and make the biggest, positive impact in our lives and world.

So, as this New Year approaches, let’s try to spend less time on things that hold us back from growth (both spiritually and mentally) and peace. Let us prioritize more time for things that bring about positive changes in our lives and the lives of others around us, all while strengthening our faith and personal bond with God. I pray for anyone reading this, that they may think about how they utilize their time and energy and may they make necessary changes to improve not only their lives, but the lives of all those around them. I pray that everyone realize how special and unique they are in Your eyes and how much they have to share with the world. May we all look to You for guidance in all that we do, especially when it comes to using our God-given gifts to make a difference. Thank You for giving me this outlet to share my thoughts and personal beliefs with others! I pray all of this in Your name, Amen!

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Much Love and God Bless πŸ’š

National Suicide Prevention Day 1-800-273-8255

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1-800-273-8255 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. They also offer texts and online chatting prevention services. Light a candle at 8pm and place it near a window ❀
A middle school girl locked herself in her bedroom. She often cried behind closed doors so no one else would see her. She sat there, gun in hand, finger on the trigger and gun resting against her temple. With tears flooding her face, she desperately wanted to pull the trigger, yet something tugged at her heart and for a moment she thought of all the people it would impact. All the times she thought to herself that so many lives would be improved if she weren’t alive, they disappeared in that brief moment. Scared, sad, ashamed and alone she took her finger away from the trigger and slowly moved the gun away from her head until it rested on the ground next to her. Wiping her face, she got up and unlocked her door and snuck off to return the gun to where it belonged. No one ever knew and no one would have ever known. I know she credits God for that moment of clarity in such a chaotic time in her mind. I know she would have missed out on so much happiness, happiness she never thought was possible; a wholeness she never thought attainable. I know she would have never experienced true love, marriage and multiple pregnancies/birth. She would have never been called wife or mother. I know all these things because that middle school girl was me.

Even the people who seem the happiest and always go out of their way to help others need help too. You never know what storm lies within another, so be kind and always show others that you care and they matter.

The topic of suicide should be freely discussed without judgment. It should always be a safe topic. It takes only a few seconds to truly ask someone how they are and listen to them. If anyone reading this ever needs anyone to vent to, I am always available.

There is a story that only you can finish, so please keep going and hang on because as much as you don’t believe it gets better….IT DOES!

;Β  Β  Your Story Does Not End Here!

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Grateful Heart

Good Morning Everyone!

I’m not quite sure if today I will be able to continue blogging my notes from the sermon series I have been listening to, it may have to be tomorrow. It would seem today is leading me down a different path; I seem to have woke up with a message on my heart, so we’ll see how it unfolds. I’m sure God is leading me to this message for a reason, so it’s likely something to offer peace and comfort to all of us in some form. ❀ Wherever He leads, I’ll go!

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I woke up this morning with an urgency to discuss gratefulness. Many of us, like myself, would say they’d consider themselves to be a rather grateful person; always doing their best daily to thank God for the blessings in their lives. Honestly, some days it seems I give thanks constantly because I am filled with an unexplainable joy. Good times seem to cultivate more joy and without much effort. What of the not-so-good days? How can we remain grateful, with that same unexplainable joy when our days aren’t going well or our life has taken some unexpected sharp turn?

I know I may seem wise, but I don’t have all the answers πŸ˜‰ I will, however use personal experiences to give my best opinion/views on the matter. I also love using Bible scriptures as a reference because the Bible is our cheat sheet…it has all the answers to any question we will ever have, we only need to look.

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Most of us would say, I have a grateful heart. I wake up each morning, thank God for the gift of life and for the health and contentment of myself and my family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario; it’s ideal! We should be thanking God as soon as we wake up because He is the reason we do. But, we have all had those times in our lives when we have gotten so deep down in our trials that we wonder if we even want to wake to face another day. Of course, to me, this is a form of bitterness; something has gone wrong in our lives and we are a bit bitter and confused. We think things we don’t mean wholeheartedly because we feel pain, hurt and sadness. We want to know why. Why God is something like this happening to me? Am I not a good person? Am I not worthy?

A simple fact of life is, bad things can happen to the “best” of people just as they can to the “worst” of people. We are all human and no matter how good we are, we are never immune to the bad experiences in life. There is ALWAYS a reason, very evident or not, for why we are assigned specific mountains at certain times. In any circumstance, I can guarantee that a gift is hidden in the darkest of times. You’re being equipped to help someone else who will need you or your words. We can all appreciate and be thankful for people in our lives who give us great words and express care during our tough times, but in all honesty, don’t we wonder how they know how we feel when they haven’t been in our situation? We feel their heart is in the right place, they’re saying all the right things, but in a way their words are empty to us because we don’t believe they can relate. So, whose words can hold meaning to us most? Yes! The ones who have endured things we are going through. Someone who has personally been where we are at and made it to the other side! I believe any bad we go through gives us this unique ability to be someone else’s hope and light in their time of darkness. I know I sound repetitive with that statement, but it’s so true. Think of how many more people you can reach on a personal level, when you have been through some of the same situations they have. That is the beauty in our pain. That is where our gratefulness can come from in our darkest hours. We can thank Him for allowing us to go through this terrible time, because we know He has much bigger things in store for us. Trust me, in those hours, I KNOW it can be difficult and almost near impossible for us to think that way. It’s in our nature to question why something is happening to us, but remember we have tunnel vision and God has that panoramic view; He sees the whole picture, while our focus is what’s right in front of us at this moment.

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One of my most difficult times with maintaining a grateful heart during a hard time was when I endured the loss of my pregnancy in 2014. January 16th, 2014 to be exact; one never forgets. My husband and I had our oldest son at the time, he was approaching 2 years old, yet we were so excited to be expecting another child. We love babies and they’re an amazing miracle from God! Unfortunately, our baby wasn’t to be here on this Earth with us…we were unaware we had conceived a real angel. I feel we often forget that our babies are a true gift from God and they’re His before they are ever ours. Even with that knowledge, the pain didn’t seem to subside any. I was about 7-8 weeks when we lost our pregnancy. Some would say an insignificant amount of time to have such a tremendous reaction to, but no matter the size of the baby or the amount of time you carry your baby…it was still a part of you. You had plans for this baby that went years into the future; it was already a part of your life because it was a part of you. I remember going to the hospital because I had to leave work early that day because I started bleeding. Of course, some bleeding can be considered normal in the beginning of pregnancies, I however was not convinced. I guess I just knew in my heart where this was leading at that point. I passed some clots prior to leaving for the hospital and all I could do was cry. I do remember telling my father through my tears that if I’m losing my baby, it’s what God thinks is best for my baby and I. Still sadness was ever-present. There I sat in the hospital waiting room…waiting and waiting and all the while still bleeding. I felt like I’m losing my baby and no one is trying to help me. It’s an emergency! I’m in a hospital, I’m pregnant and bleeding and I can’t save my own baby and no one is coming to help; I must wait. What a sick and devastating feeling, especially as a mother, knowing what’s happening to your baby and yet you cannot do one thing to stop the process…all you can do is witness the unfolding of events. After waiting in the waiting room, being called back for blood work, then sent back to the waiting room, then called back to lay in a hospital bed in the middle of a crowded hallway and given an IV, I was finally seen. By the time they administered an ultrasound, there was no sign of pregnancy; like my baby never even existed. It was heartbreaking. At some point from leaving our home to waiting in the hospital, we had lost our baby. I had lost our baby. Guilt weighed heavy on me, as I felt I had failed at my job as a mother. I felt I had failed to keep my child safe and protected. They gave me a discharge paper which read in big, bold print: Miscarriage; then they sent us on our way. My husband and I got to the car and as we were leaving we just stopped the vehicle and held each other crying. It was such a long day, yet it seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. It’s a sadness and pain I would never wish on anyone. I struggled with seeing pregnant women or babies. I am a person who has always loved children and babies and pregnancy etc, yet I developed this aversion to them. I worked in a grocery store so it’s not like I could escape them. I remember crying because I missed being pregnant and knowing I was having another baby, yet I also cried because I didn’t want to be that kind of person. I didn’t want to feel that feeling of avoidance when encountering pregnant women, babies and children. I knew miscarriage was a common occurrence but we never imagine it could happen to us until it does. I’m not going to say I did not struggle and still don’t shed tears for our angel baby, but I chose a grateful heart instead of accepting a bitter one. I thanked God for the short time I had with our baby and I chose to talk openly about it to not only help my healing process, but to bring honor to the life we had made. I chose to name our baby, although gender was unknown, I went with Uriel, which means “God is my light.” It was confusing and one of our toughest times, but I told others I would be open about it because God will use me to help others going through the same circumstances and that He did! I have be able to help several people since and was able to give them comfort, peace and hope that no one else could.

Of course that example was one of many. Whether it’s my anxiety disorder, depression, struggles with self harm/ suicidal thoughts and tendencies and all that I have experienced, the same gift has come from all of it…the gift of light. In those times I often wondered the meaning and purpose of it all, but as time went by I had my “ah-ha!” moments. I realized God had better plans for my life. He might say yes, no, wait or simply not right now, but trust me when I say better is around the corner. ❀

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I sit here typing this to you at 30 weeks pregnant today with our 4th baby (3rd earthly baby). God is good πŸ™Œ Nothing is impossible with Him! I know He cares for my Uriel until I am reunited with him/her later in life. I am still blessed in many ways! I am very blessed to be able to speak from a personal place to all of you as well! I pray my words always help someone who needs it! Let’s all be grateful in the good and bad times because we know God is for us, not against us!

Much Love and God Bless! ❀